Late Night Kiss

Holidays.

2008-06-17T17:25:00.002+08:00

Hmm, I've enjoyed my holidays :)

Yeayeayea O levels this year and I'm still having so much fun ooops.
BUT, I did my fair share of *ahem* studying okay :/

I swear I've never been this tired. I came home with the earpiece plugged in my ear, and knocked out right on the sofa in school uniform..
Had biology lesson at 8, but reached there only at 9:15 AM yeah I'm not a student.

Yesterday was hardcore adventure man lol. Nic called me at 8 PM? and asked if we could hang out. I was just on my way home with Albert from mccafe and I don't know why but I just said okay :D Heee thank god I said okay, I had so much fun!

Rollerblade+cycled all the way to elias terrace - fish's house~ Imagine a noob like me going up the slopes and going down the slopes plus the bumps and everythinggggggggg else.
I almost died on my way there, totally became the centre of attraction in the middle of the night.
"Hmm what are this two girls not sleeping in the middle of the night, learning how to blade when it's drizzling :0"

Haha with the big black bike, I couldn't take a bus home or cab home at all~
So I had no choice but to cycle all the way to central, buy one stupid eclipse for Edwin and cycle home. What the hell, my legs trembled the moment I got off the bike and I sort of tripped and landed on my knees like I was kneeling down =.=

I rollerblade not only like a duck but......... like a koala bear too ;)
I hug almost everything I see man~

Rightto, I gotta go do my homeworks. There is a right time for everything... And now it's time to face-down-hold-pen-look-at-books! GAMBATTE KUDASAI~

(sheesh edgar's going out for party today D:)

I love my laopos ;D

hehe byeeeeeeeeee

P/S : I WISH EDWIN WOULD DISAPPEAR FOR A MONTH. HE IS FUCKING ANNOYING!
But, I won't let this idiot ruin my mood. So yea TO THE BOOKS!

Eyes and lips.

2008-06-16T00:46:00.002+08:00

Hi my name is Hazel. I left you a love note last December and now I'm off to enjoy all the parties in the world. I set you free, I'm sure you liked it as much as I do.

Nah, I'm not exactly that noble please.

It fucking hurts me still.. Nobody say I couldn't change my mind of what I said and did right.
After all, you live life once only.. So.. Why bottle things up when there's a possibility of changing everything by saying things out. Even if it's gonna kill everyone.

Hmm.. but because Hazel cared too much, cared too much of what others would think and feel..
She would not say anything at all.

Fish thinks that I should tell him what exactly happened.
But no, we mustttttttt be contented :) I'm happy because he still keeps the picture that I took in his friendster profile. The picture that we took around my area hmm..
Even if he has forgotten all about it.
(Though he used to keep pictures of us together with the caption "she's my new girl"
heh, not anymoreeee)

Lol like right now, how am I to tell him I miss him. How am I to tell him that I like him..
When someone closer to him misses him probably way more than I do. What am I to him..

Because everything matters, just that my tears don't matter much.. I believe..
I should keep everything sweet bitter sour tasteless to myself.

Still, it hurts a lot. To know that I became someone he will turn to when he's down or need help AGAIN. It all just links back to that June 2 years ago.
(I guess that's my fate, to be someone's substitute)

Sometimes, it's still sweet to hear people calling you "dear, darling, honey, princess, ..." when actually you're nothing to them. Though they're nobody, it's still nice to hear "i love you" from them. It's good to know that someone from somewhere is waiting for you. Though it feels like a little burden and I feel bad about it but...........

Isn't it sweet to wait for someone you like?

Well to me, yes it's damn sweet and nice. So, I don't mind liking him the way I am now. Secretly without any burden because I don't really expect anything to happen.. (Though I secretly wish so) It's the only thing I can do now. So that I won't stir up anymore problems...... :)
I like the company so much, would you grant my little wish and meet me up on random days and continue talking to me like you did.........

Rightto. Enough of those stuffs.

I went swimming with mommy today. And had dinner at Crystal Jade restaurant ;)
Totally loved the mango pudding teehee.

I'm dead dead dead beat but I'm still here typing..
I just remembered someone telling me to sleep and not blog. I miss him talking to me, I miss it a lot.. a lot.. Have I become irritating lately? That... he doesn't want talk to me anymore? :(

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~

Happy daddy's day daddy! ;)
I hope things would get well soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon, you know I love you!

I'm turning in, bye.

I just need one kiss

2008-06-15T04:50:00.002+08:00

I'm so damn tired la.
Yesterday was really hardcore. Woke up, rushed out of house to dte to pass retarded kid something. Then met up with nic, tiara and chikkra for i think 10 minutes? Haha while waiting for red-face fish to come lol! Omg I'm damn busted.

I promised myself to blog about this.
While waiting for fish at mccafe yesterday, I was fucking traumatized by a gay.
Yes a gay.

He was sort of sitting directly opposite of me, and he was talking on the phone using the bluetooth device. And that device was sort of covered up by his hair..
So in a way, he looked like he was communicating with me (an innocent teenager reading a very good book "Leap years" while waiting for her friend) ..
At first, it didn't really bothered me..
Until he started talking like this :
"cheh you very thick-skinned leh. people tell you i don't like you already right. no matter how pretty you are, you won't get my attention! I don't like females.. Oh btw, I'm so good-looking lor *strokes his hair* .. too bad if you can't accept gays..
And i didn't snatch him away from you.. blame yourself for being not attractive enough. he likes guys like me, i'm hot. nvm if gays are not popular in singapore, i'll go to america or sans fransisco.. I'm westernized ok I'm westernized not like you so low-class..
I tell you.. FUCK YOU GO AWAY.. F-U-C-K YOU GO AWAY~ *continues hurling vulgarities in all sorts of languages*"

Of course.. I changed seats :/

Especially when he started hurling vulgarities..
I almost peed right on the spot man.. I was so scared la, he even stared at me at one point of time. You know its the worst time to be appearing in front of that gay because.. he said he didn't like females..

Was thinking.. What if I provoked him :/

WHO WILL COME TO MY RESCUE MANNNNNN... I'M ALL ALONE..

Ok enough of that. haha :)

So fish came. Holidays (nic, flinz, tiara and i) and chikkra headed to 4/2 bbq pit 43 :D

There, I learned how to bladeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thanks gelin a lot a lot a lot a lot for lending us the rollerblades! haha it was damn fun pl0x!
I'm not retarded la please, at least I know how to go forward and balance myself already :)
I so wanna rollerblade again! Anyone? :)

Yeah. I'm gonna tell you a big secret. I walked all the way home from Pasir Ris park bbq pit 43.
Thanks I know I'm strong and fit :)

Today was another rushing day~
Woke up, rushed out of home with a huge backpack and reported to NS.
Hah no, escaped to fish's house instead with nic and nira :D

Photoshoot ...................... Shot down several apples.

Shall post up some of the pics and chiong straight to my bed. Bet my hippo misses me..... ;)

Gdnight, gdbye.

P/S : I need an apple and a kiss very badly. Angels from above, do you hear me .. :(

Apple.

2008-06-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

haha shooting apples, will be posting soon hehe :)

I love 4/2 bbq!
I know how to rollerblade liaoooooooooooooooo, I'm not noooob okkkkkkkkk.......

bb!

P/S : yeahiknow this is a random post. But you can't blame. I'm at flinz's house and I always get random with her around teehee ;)

Smiles.

2008-06-11T23:39:00.002+08:00

Days are passing me by a little too slowly. This pain is a little too difficult for me to bear. I don't want to let my personal problems affect the people around me.

But it is getting a little too difficult to not say things out.
It is getting a little too difficult to keep those tears in place.

To be frank, things aren't running smoothly at home. Family is going though somesort of crisis.
Bro and I were trying hard to help out. But we were too young to comprehend what's really going on..

I hate myself for being less than sixteen.. I hate myself for not being 10 years older..
I hate myself for being a weak and helpless girl..
I hate myself for being my family's burden since the day I was born.. I hate myself for spending too much money for my medical bills when I was younger..
I hate myself for not being able to share my dad's woes..

Dad used to be such a strong man. Dad used to be so happy. Dad used to drive me around. Dad used to be smiling all the time. Mom used to be so happy.
Now.. I see tears forming in both of their eyes..
I see them trying so hard not to let the tears fall in front of the kids..

I don't like this world. Why is it so dark and scary?
Why can't people live in harmony.. Why can't people treat one another better..
Friends. Are they even people you trust?

How is possible for someone to be so nice to you in a moment and in the next moment, turn around and backstab you..
What has my dad done to deserve all these.. All he wants is a stable income, to support the family of six including Albert.
All he wants is to give us a happy childhood. Why do I see jealousy in people's eyes..
Dad is such a nice man, I don't see why friends could make use of his kindness to hurt him..

Now you tell me, what's the point of being nice?

What's the point of thinking for others.. ?

What's the point...?

I know we tend to take things for granted at times.. but isn't it a little too far to drive one to one's end?

This is perhaps the first time I've ever seen my dad "cry", looking so down. I guess the last time was even before I was born..

I'm selfish, I'm naive.. I choose to escape. I had been hiding from this problem a long time ago, trying to deny that something is actually going on in the household because I believe the adults could handle it and I'm too young to help..

But why do they make it so obvious when they try to hide. I rather they hide it completely then to let me know bit by bit from those random eavesdroppings and endless quarrels..
Why not tell me everything? If not.. don't let me know a thing.

I've never seen dad shout real loud over the phone.. hurling all the vulgarities..
I've never seen mom feeling so worried..

People around me kept asking "what's going on? how can I help? I can lend you my ear.." ..
I wished I could tell this to my parents. I wished I could tell this to my friends who're going through a lot as well..

I wished that listening would help solve the problem :(

fuck it bye.

I want to start this life all over again.

2008-06-11T17:53:00.001+08:00

..Because everything matters.

Uh, no. Just don't link everything to my ex your ex his ex her ex... ...
I'm that kind of girl who'll get over relationship matters very quickly, yeah just like wind, especially when I'm the one who requested for it.
I make every decision, every important decision after very long thinking so I won't live to regret.
*ahem*

Hmm.. maybe I have to admit this. I know I haven't really gotten over H, yeahiknow how impossible is it for anything to happen anymore... And blabla no point talking about it..
BUT..

At that point of time, I was really very sad. I forced myself to let him go though I still like him a lot. Imagine, one side is a guy you like a lot, the other is your mom.
Yeahiknow also, he treats girls as toys. Fuck and throw away whatever.. Wait lah, he didn't even do anything to me please. So nothing can ruin the whole almost-perfect image of him.

Okay even if he meant to harm me, just allow me to keep this beautiful memory of me and him close to my heart can? At least I can smile without regrets because everything nice and sweet happened, let me think it the positive way~

I thought over it for a long time back then..
There's only one mom that you can never change, but boyfriends come and go.. there are many other fishes (so you should not betray yourself too early and take your time to choose the best one) .

I don't know but, looking at him smiling so happy with some other girl a few months back just breaks my heart. I swear it hurts damn bad, like I've never felt this way before..
I never thought I could feel so deeply for someone..

But still, I got over it :)

I always thought, me and H were out for fun only. I never thought I would fall so deep for him.
But right now.. I just feel happy for him. As in really happy (I used to fake a smile and tell everyone that I'm fine when I'm not).
I'm glad I made the choice I made back then. I doubt I'm the right girl for him and I doubt he's the right guy for me. I guess we just helped each other created fond memories (More for me I guess).

I would still smile to myself when I think of the past.. whether it is just a mineshine bottle, the roads near my place or seats on the bus..
I used to hate the mineshine bottle and halls the moment we broke up because I will feel the pain whenever I see them..

But not anymore I guess :) Time heals all wounds.

I have no intention in raking up all the past. This post was meant for yesterday..
Yesterday night I was really very disappointed, and everything just came back to me..

When I'm sad, I scribble things all over. And I thought.. what's the point of scribbling nonsense that nobody can understand.. They'll think that I'm retarded or I hide too much..

I like to blog. Even though there are many hidden lines and secret meanings to everything I say..
I don't mind even if I have bad grammar or limited vocabulary, as long as I can let things out of my heart.. that'll suffice. I mean if my language is so horrendous, you won't even be reading this already would you?

So you can actually understand what I'm saying.. right? :/

I know I have a change of heart like the speed of light but you can't blame me for this. This is in-born personality teehee ok no haha. I am fickle-minded, but I know what the fuck I'm doing.

Yaya.. One moment I'm saying I like h like hardcore, then kj, then say I miss h then say I don't love h then suddenly another guy pop in.. then out of nowhere say I miss a then miss m then miss z miss this miss that or whatever.

Like, love, miss or whatever is nothing.. I can live without anyone..
You'll have to get use to fact that nobody would be by your side forever even though they claim that they'll never ever leave you..
Right?

I mean so far, how many people left me already..

I don't like to be left alone. But it can't be help right.
And most of the time, we don't realize that we're actually not alone..

I know very well that many things in this world can't be forced and I must learn to accept things that don't go my way. But at times, I just pray and wish that a little miracle would happen.

I'm a bad person. I don't think about other's feelings before acting or saying..
So I guess I'm having my retribution right now. So much for not replying messages and answering calls, so much for blocking people online..

I feel so retarded..
Why do I have no guts to nudge him or open his window to have casual chat?
Why do I hesitate before sending a casual sms to him?
Why do feel disappointed when he doesn't reply my messages?
Why did I go all the way to help him solve his problems (including waking up early in the morning when I can't even be punctual for school)?
Why is it that I can stare at his nick for a long long time without doing anything until he finally goes offline?
Why do I wake up in the middle of the night just to go online and see if he's there?
Why is it that the first thing I do everyday is to go online to see if he's there?
Why is it that he becomes the reason to why I go online?
Why is it that I wish I would bump into him coincidently all the time wherever I go?
Why is it that I would feel jealous why I know that he likes someone else?
Why is it that I would feel happy when he smiles at me or when he looks at me?
Why is it that I would become mean and hurt everyone else around me?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

I never knew missing someone would feel so bad. I never knew liking someone could hurt someone else. I never knew that I would fall for someone not meant for me.. But he feels too perfect :(

I never knew I would be blogging about him here..
I never knew that I would wanna see him every single day..
I never knew that I would feel so retarded waiting for him to talk to me..

I never knew.. I wished I knew.. I wished he was online right now. I wished he opened my window again. I wished he said hi. I wished we could talk again.

I miss you, miss you so bad~

I feel so sick.

Omg I'm mad.

WTF. It must have been the trigo during math tuition just now that drove me insane.

DAMNIT.

I can't believe I sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night yesterday just to do the most retarded thing on Earth.
I'm doing a little too much..

Fuck :(

Okay I'm gonna get some sleep and forget all about it.
You guys better don't remind me again when I wake up.

kkbbtc~

P/S: yeahiknow this is fucking wordy but I know you like it. mwahahahahaha~
siao uh who ask you to read sia. LOL mwahahahahaha~

Here without you.

2008-06-09T23:17:00.001+08:00

Here Without You lyrics

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

<3 I miss you.

Unexpected.

2008-06-09T04:30:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but this word just..
Haha nothing.

Just got home from a late night movie with edgar, lincoln, junda and fish. I'm really very sorry nicole for having bad timings and all :(
I'm really very sorry for making you dress up and prepare for nothing :(

We watched Kungfu Panda. It was.. lame. But it was quite nice actually, maybe cause I'm equally lame or worse. I think I was high after the movie. Even Lincoln shook his head and fish said " can you be more like a girl even though you this time not watching movie with * .. "
Hmmm...

I'm very happy for my laopo nic :D Like, I bet you've been waiting for the day that you could finally eat sandwiches and drink starbucks at 4 am right !
Time. It's such a scary word, I think it's even more scary then "love".

Kungfu panda was so funny so funny that I couldn't stop laughing. I felt so out-of-place that *ahem* wasn't around like.. maybe I'm too used to having his presence, but for mostly the wrong causes. I don't mind watching late night movies with him, even if we're like at different ends of the cinema as long as I can feel he's there. I think I'm really crazy, I sound so desperate and sick. I should just change my name to s-t-a-l-k-e-r since stalking is my forte and he knows it well.

I know he's well and alright, but I just find it so weird that he stopped opening my window. And we don't talk anymore.. I'm not even avoiding him, in fact I wish I could talk to him very much right now. I guess he grew sick of me and I probably am annoying him. Okay maybe it's just 2 days of not talking and I'm reading too much to it.

Sometimes you will pause and ask yourself, "why am I doing this? am I doing too much".. And this is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I feel that I don't belong to his life at all, not even as friend. I don't know why, but being able to talk to him would just make me feel a lot more better.

I wish to be the someone he'll turn to when somethings goes wrong even though I can't be the someone special who'll put a smile on his face.

Haha man this post sounds so..... sad.

I really wish that he'll be unexpected like me. I wish that something unexpected would happen.
But no, we've got to be realistic and stop thinking that I am strong like the dragon warrior.
And the most important thing I've to take note of is that :
Things were never meant to go my way~

I don't know why but I really miss photoshoot sunday a lot. Not just photoshoot sunday. I miss sunday. sunday. sunday.

Lol I think I'm not myself right now. I feel like someone else is in me..
I feel a force pressing on my fingers, legs feel numb and head hurts like hell. I'm not trying to scare anyone at this time of the day but..
haha no I guess I'm really sick. Try not sleeping for a few days oh I haven't mention standing through the whole train ride and bus ride home after working for 7 hours standing. (and walking to and fro from wisma atria to shaw house)
And plus the rain *ahem*

Where are you? :(

I wish you were online right now.. I wish we had more coincidences. Or is it really true that we've got no fate :(

I am hopeless man goodnight I don't wanna see you in my dream.

Random Rant don't read hor.

2008-06-08T18:51:00.002+08:00

Fuck edgar lah seriously. Sheesh now still sleep on my bed, on the air-con like so shiok. The best part is he kick my hippo bolster and pillow all onto the floor. He better don't drool if not I kill him sia. Wlao where got this kind of elder brother don't care the sister one sia. People whole day never go home he don't care when jingguo they all ask where I am he still dare to say "my sis go overseas" wtf this kind of brother hor..............
Yesterday sort of stayed at nic's house until very late, people don't dare to go home alone cause got black cats, banglas and perverts around my area recently.. Call him and ask him to bring money for me and tell him I not going home ask him tell mom THEN HE NEVER!
Wtf mom thought I run away from house sia, got hardcore thrashing from mom when I reached home. Its like the phone's cord going to burst open man.
wlao to think that edgar was the fucking first person to think of when my phone's battery was blinking sheesh.
Like right after that, my phone black out. I thought he would tell mom.. HE NEVER SIAAAAAA
He still can happily sleep on my bed when I not at home AND SNORE SO LOUD =.=
FUCK EDGAR LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I think I deaf already now! She shout so loud until I think I can cry sia so fierce and scary.

ok byebye

wlao why he not guilty one ah when i come home! still can snore and ask me to shut up
I think he don't want help me because if i never come home he can sleep on my comfortable bed!

ok bye for real.

My laopo.

2008-06-08T16:28:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday laopo!
OUR DEAREST NICOLE MAIRON-LIM NIKE CARAWAY 500 ML BRA AND PANTIES!
I give you magical kiss, mwahhhhhhhhh!
I know I'm about 16 hours late to type this post BUT must record down!!!
(Wait I mean "butt i like" lol)
I really wish you'll love the present flinz nira and i prepared for you :)
Sorry for "hiding"from you sometimes, I believe Gemini and Sagittarius could actually get along ;)
From the moment I was lying on your Queen-sized bed *ahem*, I knew that you were the *ahem* right girl for me *ahem ahem ahem* LOL!
It was so fun staying over at your place, your mom is damn cool and cooks damn well! :D
THANK YOU AUNTIE :)
LAOPO ME MWAH YOU~ I HOPED YOU ENJOYED YOUR LEGAL SIXTEEN ;)

Fish I love you too ;) teehee.

Nic is damn happy because at 4 am, we ate sandwiches and drank starbucks. *Ahem*

--

I had this urge to blog like continuously for I-d-k what reasons, I just feel that they're many random thoughts running in circles and squares and triangles in my head.
It's been a long time since I last worked, most of my colleagues had went back to m'sia, and that's very sad :( It's been so long since I last worked that Zee said "wow our little girl has grown older.. she used to be the blur girl at the promotion last last christmas.. and now look at her.. prettier liao"
Haha I didn't know I've been "under Iora" for such a long time already.

I know the pay is ridiculously low and sometimes I think it's not worth it to travel so far alone on the train for work.. But come to think of it, well at least I didn't back out.. if not where do all my memories come from? :)
First work experience. First time travelling long train rides/bus rides alone. First time giving guys my number.

I don't usually give my number away no matter how hot the person is because..
I have low self-esteem. Eh not funny ok, I always think that they ask for my number because I look or dress weird that's why they wanna make fun of me among their friends. I know I'm paranoid. (wlao now i regret sia.. the ice-cream guy looks so cute lor! esp. when he blush ;p I can't forget the way he hid somewhere and asked his friend to help him. Although I like guys who get their own numbers but.. it was more appropriate to get a girl that time cuz I was selling female clothing and it would look weird for him to just walk into the shop.)

Dear15 and Lincoln were the only strangers I met outside. hmm...
And I can't believe I actually fell for Dear15 once but it was too late.

Girls' late night talks totally rock your socks. I mean it's difficult to hold your secrets, especially when your actions had gave you away already. I can't deny that I liked him all along and what I did was totally wrong. I mean I'm still young and naive, guys really shouldn't take things so seriously.. Like right now love is just a come and go thing, we all know don't we?
Must always prepare yourself for the worst.

Sometimes I wonder.. what if I hadn't made that impulsive decision and said "okay".
And what if he liked me too.. And what if what if we could get together..
These thoughts are so evil that I feel like finishing myself!
I guess like what happened to me and H (H is me ok).. I don't regret being with him, I don't regret breaking free. Because I'm glad that it happened. Those beautiful memories would stay with me for almost forever even though it is insignificant to him already.
I choose to remember the things and the people I like, not for a "must".

Even remembering numbers..
As in contact number.
You know if the someone is special, your mind can automatically record the number in your brain. And if you see any numbers close to his, you would immediately think of him..
If not, it means you dialled his number too often. So much so that it's etched in your mind.
You just can't force yourself to remember it.. it would feel so.. fake.

The more you wanna forget a number that you remembered sometime ago, the more you can't.
But right now, I can't seem to recall H's number anymore and I guess its' great cause he's no longer in my contact list. And it was gone just so naturally. It didn't even hurt one bit.

When it's time to let go, don't hold back. When you know you've fallen in love, don't back out.
Follow your heart, or you will live to regret. And I hate to regret my choices.

To be frank, I've never really regretted any decisions I made. ;)
No matter how much it hurts.. I know I'll pull through.

Not even when I lied to my mom. I guess I just felt guilty, that's all. I mean if you don't try all these 'thrill lies' now, when would you? When you are 61?
I don't know why but when I called my mom just now.. I sort of started tearing until I tried to slap myself awake cause I was walking home and everyone was looking oops.

I'm not a good girl mommy :( But I didn't really did something very bad though.

I've done so much things that you would never expect me to be doing.. (eee you all dirty-minded like lincoln lim please lor not sex lah sex bomb sex bomb sex bomb dedicated to fish one)

Well at least I had fun last night (WALAO don't think dirty lah haiyo I mean recording funny videos and listening to sean's "what lah" "nothing, you all nothing better to do, want me go downtown kill you all is it?" LOL!) :D

Eh retarded kid, I need my "how to mend a broken heart" book now.. guess you don't need it. Well definitely not as much as I do.
Why am I always falling for the wrong people.. Why am I always going against others..
WHY :(

I miss you so much, I think I've been doing too much. I should keep a distance from you.
I won't go there for 2 days. I think.. I'll try :/

gbye.

Doing too much.

2008-06-06T13:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday after the long hours of chem, I called my girls out teehee ;)
JABS! Were sort of supposed to do our own work together. And I guessed Yvonne was the only one doing her math! (And I managed to finish on incomplete sketch)

JABS got everyone's attention yo. Without doing anything, merely walking pass a group of malay guys and we got their number just like that. CLICK CLICK CLICK. And I swear it looks so like a fake number. One of the guys, the yellow shirt one caught my eye man!!! His eyes are like sparkling~ God sparkling in the dark siol. Haha wtf, I cannot talk about others later my boyfriend angry oops sorry ~ I like guys with sparkly eyes teehee ;p

Mwah Jabs <3 But I don't dare to mwah Rebecca on her lips though I'm a lesbian LOL!

--

I was damn early today! I mean like 1 hour earlier than usual lol! Like thank god I was early because Mdm Hariati couldn't stayed longer today phew~
Thank you Dominic for printing the things for me! :D Sorry to disturb your sleep yeah~ :)

I sort of did half a sketch during art today, LONG WAY TO GO~

Ah I'm like so damn tired. I'm sort of lazy to go for 2/7 gathering because I got so many other things to do.... I guess I'll miss out a lot of fun, but I don't think it would be fun since I'm so tired. Oops sorry I guess I really would not be going already :/

What would you do if you suddenly miss someone who has always been around you?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder hmm... I should stop doing too much.
I wonder.. Have he even read the 2 e-mails I sent him 4 months ago :(
It's been a long hard road without you by my side, I miss you so much. I know nothing would come out of it, I know we've gone our separate ways.. But someone around me remind me of you in his own way~ And I'm sure I would make another mistake if I continue to do what I'm doing right now. :(

Even though you seem insignificant in my life, I know I would sure cry if one day you were to leave. There'll be no one there to disturb me online, no one who'll say i love you all the time and make my heart skip a beat with random actions. So don't joke around about this matter okay.

What can I do to make you guys feel better...............? :(

Gbye.

P/S : I'm not that kind of cling-cling-girl.

I hope I could be as good as you.

2008-06-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

(Where's Yvonne? *Saying it very innocently though I know I'm not like as if I'm saying Where's Mickey mouse? lol!*)

YO! I have been saying this to almost everyone I see and everyone who talked to me online.
Why? Hmm.. Like what the security guard says... "Everything happens with a reason"
I mean who doesn't know that.. Why must he disrupt my line! I was asking "Why is everything so colorful? What are they trying to tell me?" LOL.

Okay back to what I was saying, about this "YO!" thing.. Seriously, I just like saying. I wanna be his skater-girl teehee. (You know when I say I wanna be his skater-girl, you don't assume that you know who I am talking about cause I always give very weird nicknames that I would end up forgetting them myself also lol)

Okay why am I even talking about this Yo thing =.=

Balestier has very nice durians oh and rice dumplings! :D

Lol I can't believe I typed the above last night.. Until Edwin came to disrupt =.= I mean I am so random! Why would I even blog about durians and rice dumpling? omg hmm.. You know what, I'm hungry. I guess that's the reason why. It's like 8:35 AM already and I'm supposed to be on my way to school. Nah, I wanna be late again. Because dad is driving me to school today. I'm feeling so lazy.

Yesterday was a short meet-up with KC for biology. And I didn't even finish my bio prac in the end sheesh. What the hell, I think I'm the only retard who'll go back home thrice just because I forgot something.. First handphone. Then ez-link. Then wallet, and math ws.
Sorry KC to have kept you waiting there with a pathetic math paper lol! So I studied at mccafe and met retarded kid and his friend.

Met KC again and then fish for a while. Bought mom a HTaro turnover and went home.

--

Fuck my younger bro. Fuck him fuck him fuck him.
What's with his "No wonder haru want to break with you".. What's with his "I throw money at you ah!"
F-U-C-K it all.
FUCK LAH.

Why am I so selfish. Why am I such a heatbreaker.
I told you guys to stay away from me right from the start. And I told you guys not to do anything for me because I don't know how to appreciate. I'm really better off alone. A-L-O-N-E.
"you really shouldn't feel guilty if you did nothing wrong.. you can't stop yourself from liking someone right. So you shouldn't be upset if you don't like someone who likes you"

Are there really happy endings? I wonder..

Goodbye .

Realize

2008-06-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was like hardcore laughing with my dearest laopo!
Recorded some very funnnnnnnnnn videos! Will upload them real soon TEEHEE.

Superdog's dogs are real big. So big that I can't possibly finish in 5 mouths or even 7 mouths lol.
(And everything else that happened in superdog remains a doggie secret mwahahaha)

I think we look alike teehee

Yesterday was so fun, until my bro spoiled my day =.= I hate him man, even the sight of him makes me wanna scream!!! Ok I think I seriously got something against him. Sorry. I'll be a nice sister. (RAWR YEAH RIGHT.)

I almost could ton at nic's house =.=

Tmr I must reach school by 8:59 AM and right now it's already 11:55 AM. Wow I'm still at Balestier point - dad's office. What am I doing here? hmmmmmmmmmm... *looks at my artwork*
No sheesh I'm not here to do artwork but they're incomplete shit shit shit!

Went to Kbox with JABS today!
It was coooooooooolshit! I screamed and sang my heart out. But I went back and checked.. My heart was still there, I'm not exactly heartless please. I remembered the first time we studied at BK.. when I sang 'Realize' cuz that was the exact song playing at that time..
Haha not only that, 'cun zai' totally reminds me of primary school times..
Ah well this is soooo fun, can we meet up for Kbox again please. I'm so addicted! 2 hours passes by so fast sheesh.

Sorry laopo today cannot go gig with you.

Going home now. bb.

P/S : I LOVE HOLIDAYS AND JABS!

This long silence is more than I can bear ..

2008-06-01T21:11:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really wished I had a twin.
A twin who'll listen to my problems every single night just before I go to bed so I won't drown myself with awful tears.
I want to have a smart twin who'll help me go for all my examinations so I won't get f9s all over my report book.
I want a brave twin who'll help me ask for numbers from cute and hot guys so I won't go home feeling all disappointed.
I want a strong twin who'll help me break up from relationships so I won't think about everything that happened.. so I won't regret a thing.
I want to have a twin who likes to go shopping so I won't feel lonely.

But many a time, things don't go your way. And most of the time, things don't go my way.

People all around me kept slapping me awake. Nobody stood by my side. Everyone felt that I made the wrong decision.. I'm hurting myself more instead of breaking free.
They say he don't deserve to go through all these shits that I've put him through. They say he'd been my pillar of support all along. They say he's my drive to study hard. They say all the care and concern he gave was from the bottom of his heart. They say I'm too selfish. They say.. I act without thinking. They say I would regret my choice. They tell me I'm missing him. They say I'm too heartless. They asked me, advised me to treasure him..

Who's right? Who were the people who asked me to follow my heart?

Kill all girls. Kill all girls. Kill all girls. No kill heartless first.
But have you all thought for a second* Do we really feel NOTHING deep inside?

I'm not in my right mind now, I guess it's the fever.
I'm feeling so cold. Feeling so alone. Like I really isolated myself. (haha don't believe anything i say please, i'm a liar remember?)
I didn't even want to wake up this morning. I lay on my bed with my eyes tightly closed, lying to myself that it's just 7 am and I should continue sleeping.. though it's already 4 pm.

I went online and talked to some people..
But nothing really made me laugh. Maybe i did, "lol. haha. omg! haha.."

I went to my mom's room and I couldn't get up after that. Like my energy is drained out.
Sort of fell asleep.. So soundly I didn't want to wake up, until my maid came in and asked "girl what you want for dinner?"

Got out to the living room. Mom was quarrelling with bro again~
Got no mood to eat dinner altogether.
Came back online. Thanks ck for entertaining me with the guiness pool :)

My head hurts so goooooooood. It feels like millions of him hammering my head. My body feels so numb. I feel so tired to even move a little. I just want to sleep forever~

Haha I never change~ Still the old me, always wanting to escape from things in life.
So who were the people who said I change? Did I? In what way?

I mean, I'm such a happy person. I can never learn how to be emo.
After so much has happened, I can still smile~ I am serious.

Hi my name is Heartless not Hazel.
Though a part of me still wishes that I am her, the girl beside you. The girl who would joke around with you, pull your hair.. drink your drink and pester you to piggyback me..
Tease you and give you surprise kisses. Pop halls into your mouth. Lean on you and fall asleep on long bus rides to my place or yours. I miss you so much, so much that it hurts so good.

Everyone is scolding me for not getting over and getting involve in another again.
What do you all know? Even I don't myself.
Maybe they're right. He's just an excuse to break free, so I won't get hurt all over again.
Only way to solve this problem is to break open the door to my heart. But he locked it up tightly already.. with all his promises.

Why are you all scolding me? 0.0 Why? 0.0 I'm so innocent.. 0.0

I guess I'm just used to being loved.

So stay away from me.. keep those 3 words to yourself. I don't want to be part of your lives.
I mean seriously. Except for girls. I don't mind being a lesbian now ;)

I'm feeling so weak now. Mom Mom Mom stop playing mahjong cuddle me to bed please :(
Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom I want my mom :(

Lessons till 1:30 pm tmr. Dental appointment tmr. Studying bio with KC tmr. Am I still meeting CK?

Argh bye.

All the crazy people.. Where do they all belong?

2008-06-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 10:30 AM (tuition time). Thank god it was changed to 11 AM instead teehee.
Was a relax session on trigo, got so much to catch up yo. Ck tutor need ya help badly! (with your geeky glasses ;p)

Lunch by the stairs with nic and flinz after tuition before rushing back home to meet madelineee!

Sorry to keep you waiting my my block darling ;)
Sorry nicole to make you go back all alone :/

Home. As usual mom was quarrelling with edwin.. over 4 bucks this time tsk.

Headed to TampMall for nothing because both of us were penniless LOL. Then to TampLibrary. Rushed there under the rain, but still got drenched. Hair was badly ruined :(
Good things were : Met a cute malay guy in blue shirt ooooohlala i want a malay bf! (kidding)
& borrowed a book for the broken-hearted people.

Because TampLibrary was packed and hopeless, line and I bus-ed to WS :)
I mean wanted to but did not in the end because I was even more hopeless............
Boarded the wrong side of bus 15, we almost landed in some telok idk where place. (ok go laugh)
Gave up and took the train there instead. I mean we're in Singapore.. and how can I possible get lost at tampines?! WTF i'm really retarded man.

Made a total fool of myself in the station and train lol. But was having hell lot of fun ;)
I love Ryan NigaHiga sooooooooo much! His videos rocks so much!

Went to meet up with Reb at DTE. Wanted to go for bowling at first but ended up walking aimlessly.. I was given a free magz! And I had lots of fun kidding with those 3 guys who gave us the free magz. I mean why would they believe that I picked up 3 nEbo coupons on the floor =.=
Thanks : JoelynTan for the wonderful cup of D-C. LOL double chocolate.

Finally home sweet home.
...................
Not yet manszx.
Sent Albert to the Airport with mom. I think cab fares are ridiculous! Seriously.
That lucky kid got to go to Japan I`m so fucking jealous idiot. He better bring some sanrio back.
Ok kidding, just bring me some cosmetics and nice clothes thanks.

Awwwwwww it sounds so fun. I wanna go shopping tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (In some other country you idiots. Okay lah GSS also can but money come first.)

Ohya edgar khein jingguo lincoln and all the guys went for cycling-adventure..........
Seems so fun! I wanna go too :( I feel like a bloody loser stucked at home. Sheesh.

(Sorry KC. For forgetting about you today)

Okay goodnight.
Tomorrow who want to ask me out?

P/S : It's not just about one fish in the ocean. It's not just about who break whose heart. It's not just about how much someone mean to someone. It's about how much someone is willing to sacrifice for someone that someone like. I mean if it hurts so bad to like, then don't like. Too bad if someone can't get what someone wants..
Life's like that, what you want you fight for it. Can't fight for it, sorry you're kicked out.
Don't go blaming people who you think is at fault, cause usually things happen without a specific reason. Reflect upon yourself before talking about killing the whole world. That's why I always say "KILL ME" instead of "KILL HIM"..

Dark. Bright. Dark.

2008-05-31T01:50:00.002+08:00

This is so nice. I know I`m gonna sound M-U-S-H-Y again. lol.
Hey you. Who me? Yeah you~
Okay I guess those Ryannigahiga videos make wonders, I`m the crazy lil girl who`ll practically laugh at every singel lame thing whether I`m sad, angry, sad, angry or sad.
So arigato gozaimasu to my dearest line made by me for introducing such wonderful videos teehee~

I know for my previous post, I sound so freaky. Haha was laughing at it just now as I re-read it again. Realize when you`re frustrated or sad, whatever you type seems like crap. Okay maybe when you`re high, it`ll be too LOL.
Right now, I`m high on acrylic paint. I was happily telling my mom :
"eh mom today don`t go swimming. you chiong your k drama. I want do my art Seriously this time"

So.. I went to my room, and took out all my weapons as in paint brushes, pencils and color pencils not knife and rope lah. But ended up killing the blank piece of paper in my sketchbook in the end. Mom came out and said "wow this is the ugliest artwork i`ve ever seen".
Of course, it was random dabbing and random strokes.. But I worked on 'expressionism' though. LOL.

Oh ya I think my bro`s face turned fucking hilarious last night when I used flinz`s tactic to make him feel bad (took out a knife, slammed it on the table and ask him to kill me with it..) lol!
Seriously I just took the knife from the kitchen with the towel over my neck (i just showered) and shouted at him : "Eh what you want? Kill me lah kill me lah COME KILL ME LAH nah knife give you kill me lah KILL ME LAH I DON`T WANT TO LIVE ALREADY"

Like seriously.. wtf.

I guess he was scared.. hehe. And he went like "err.. siao kill you for what waste my time and energy you go away lah" with the trembling face. (And trying hard to fake a laugh)

I wanted to laugh so badly! I guess I`m really sick. Sick. Yeah sick.
It`s like wow he doesn`t want to kill me? Wow killing me is a waste of his time and energy man.
Soooooooooo, he still enjoys making my life tough. Ohwells, the more he irritate me, the more thrilling it gets ;) It hurts sooooooo GOOD. (I`m emo now and you people should go watch the 'how to be emo' video wooots).

I realized something very surprising. My blog hits increased so much. Why ah?
I mean where did all these people came from? Why're they so colorful? What are they trying to tell me? Okay hi I`m normal. Ya seriously, who is reading my blog? hmmmmmm *pause to wonder*

What if.. what if.. tomorrow I close my blog down? :D

Nah seriously that won`t happen I love latenightkiss so much.

(Are you highlighting the blank spaces?)

I guess I`m weird I always highlight blank spaces when I`m reading random blogs. It`s damn cool to find secret messgaes ;) I love it so much.

I think flinz is in love with me mwahahaha.
Eh seriously.. do I always always smile or laugh to myself? I think so leh..
I mean smile at random objects like an eraser for instance *
(Oh cuz i rmbed the flinda toin-yo on flinz head)
No i mean really random stuffs like a pair of socks? or.. a chair hehe.

No lah actually the purpose of typing this post is to thank all the nice people in my life..
Well I think I really have A.D.D. so yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay lah don`t force me to mushy leh~
You know who I love right soooooooo

madeline nicole flinda tiara albert ck kc kj jg shamira alson stephanie passerbys adrian ben khein mary-ann lina vivian eh still got alot leh wendehs albert edwin ahem edgar unknown person and the whole group mala though we dont talk anymore anaqi zhijie darren deric dw gary yeee karen jy joey kh jl max mg miss chan mdm riah rara munirah ivanku omg seth tsk timothy gelin weirdo yt xh wilson dominic pikachu aiya i knw i missed out alot of people dont care lah i have everyone somewhere in my heart correct alrdy okies and i know i just mentioned alot of random people.

You know people get random and calls you up at random times like when you`re sleeping.
Lol but that`s nice still :)

and finally the best people on earth dad and mom :)
daddy`s going thru alot, alot more than me.. i`ll be a nice daughter :)
I know u`ll pull thru ;)

Ah this feeling is so great like wow i know so many people suddenly.
They all love me (ok i mean some~). I didn`t claim that they said it themselves kay.

Even so, I still feel like dying................
No lah just want to know how it feels like and I really want to know if there's really after life and whatever or after you die you just become ashes~

Click click I`ve got tuition tmr and I`m going to sleep wan an.
SAYONARA~

haha you just read my blog hahahahhahahaha!

you just increased my blog hits! argh. damn it. why are you reading?
y o u a r e w a s t i n g y o u r t i m e ! s e r i o u s l y !

Nothing's gonna change.

2008-05-30T01:15:00.002+08:00

I feel like just hiding in one corner of my room (oh cuz the air-con is cold) and then take out my camera and start capturing the craziest sides of me.
I know yeahiknow I'm supposed to be covering all the physics questions like what Flinz told me to. But I'm seriously not that heartless I forced myself to seem like.

It's just not right to laugh things off, and definitely wrong to think about it and - the 'R' word (don't feel like saying.)
Well since I've thought about it long and hard enough, I don't see why I should still be clinging onto it. Heh, I guess I'm really cold-blooded afterall.

I give my special thanks to flinz tiara and nic. madeline. alson. I mean thought I made a mean decision, you guys stood alongside me. And I'm sorry especially to flinz tiara and nic for acting like one mute just now. I guess I just had to sort things out and I don't know what were the right words to say. You guys are facing your own problems too.. esp nicole, I'm sorry.

Watched Narnia with flinz nic and tiara just now. Thanks tiara for the treat the hug and everything you're really damn nice. haha thanks babes :D

--

I don't know what the fuck is wrong. see my friends are so freaking nice to me. what about my family? Like esp my younger brother for example. Why must he fucking make those very sarcarstic remarks and all.

Afterall I got into a r/s on my own accord and I left it after internal conflicts right in my mind. what is his fucking problem. When im in love, he has to say something to make me feel like breaking up. When im out of love, he JUST HAS TO SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD and.. ok nvm.

And the best part is why wouldn't he understand i mean so what if you're fucking 12.
you earned your own little pocket money alrdy, you have someone you like in mind alrdy.. surely you're mature enough to spare some thought for you ELDER sister who is going through so much recently?

Must you pick a fight with me over the littlest things? Ok even snatching my dinner, snatching my tv, the bed, the pillow, the blanket, the laptop now WHAT DO YOU WANT EXACTLY?

Haven't I gave in enough already?

DO YOU REALLY WANT ME DEAD? As in remember that time when mom and dad wasn't around LIKE FUCKING RIGHT NOW, you slammed my head against the gate and just whacked me like hardcore left scratches on my face..
Ah wtf if this is really what you want you chaoahbeng come lah i've no reason to live already fuck i don't even care about o levels already..

Just say, just say you want me to disappear.. Ok if you want to say.. Please take a knife a rope or whatever you need.. or do you need pillows to suffocate me like what you tried back then? (why did endang and edgar stop him.. i would have been better off dead. i would have hurt lesser people)

I'm trying so hard to complete my fucking physics worksheet and now you want to spoil my mood and all. what exactly is your motive? WHY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SUCCEED IN LIFE IS IT. WHY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO WELL FOR O LEVELS IS IT. WHY WHY WHY WHAT YOU WANT.... I really don't know how to tolerate your fucking nonsense already. ok yes for these few days i've been venting my anger on you because of my personal problems. BUT don't you think you carried things a little too far.. your jokes are not funny. they're fucking hurting. What is that you want. is it really very funny to see me cry? must you bring up all my sad memories and stab my heart over and over again?

I tell you what, no need lah.. don't need to laugh at someone who is alive and kicking. I think its more thrilling to laugh at someone who is dead. seriously just kill me. i rather die than to hear you talk about haru everyday. just dont bring it up lah why must you do that. I KNOW THAT WAS THE FUCKING FIRST TIME I CRIED FOR A GUY. ok now you know what this would be the second. SO ARE YOU GONNA ADD THIS TO YOUR LIST AND MOCK AT ME?

I think Im scary. Im so scary i dont think anyone want to talk to me anymore..
im so scared. im so scared to face anyone or do anything. oh i guess im learning "how to be emo".
FINISH YOURSELF, FATALITY~ TEEHEE (yeah edwin you can laugh at me)
The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.

well i guess it takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye..
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.
Im just sorry. you're effing right, i dont have the fucking guts to look into your eyes. I know my mind is set, i don't wish to turn back again.
im afraid i'll fall right back in.. i mean i swear i did liked you a lot before.
but im not sure already.. for no particular reason.
this is a problem that i don't think there's anyway to resolve..
even if there is, im supposed to handle it myself. i rlly have to thank you. for appearing in my life, for not letting me go at times.. and staying a gentleman till the last second. well at least, we closed this chapter of our lives with a nice full-stop. ok maybe not that nice. if it would make you feel better by hating me.. go ahead. seriously i hate who i am right now anyways. well the shower did wash away the hazel you once knew.. the gentle and caring and all.. that hazel is gone. doubt you want to know the hazel i am right now. im mean, selfish, petty, crazy and negative.
well time is revealing my true colors..
right now, i just want to be alone. Alone. alone to figure out which hazel i really am. as in you can't help me at all.. i know i did affect you a lot. i know you don't wanna hear this word.. but there's nothing else i can say. sorry.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

horoscopes are scam. haha so true. haha. haha. haha. haha. haha. im retarded haha. i laugh with pauses haha. im learning "how to be nerd" haha. lol. hehe. lol. hehe. teeeehee. haha. haha. haha. im fucking scary stay away from me. haha. haha. haha. haha. hahaha. hahahahahahaha.
lol. lol. lol. haha. haha. this is so exactly what i want. haha. im not gonna do what i did before ever again. haha. hate. anger. frustrations. sad. unhappy. upset.

4 more years. Die. Dead. Death.
well seriously its insignificant it holds no meaning..

im just a passer-by in all of your lives..

2008-05-29T00:50:00.003+08:00

(I saw this border at photobucket and... haha nice right. ok lol lame.)
I miss you so much. I can't wait for next week.

--

Yesterday I did went out. To chikkra's house. It was bloody nice I just felt like recording it down. Kj and his friends came over to join us to the drinks. And we cabbed home.
And Chikkra's cooking is not bad ;)
I was tramautized and hid beside a fridge.
(I just recorded everything down..)

Flinz stayed over at my place and I'll upload the pictures some other day.

Headed to Cityhall and Payalebar with flinz and nic. Did a little shopping. Met up with Chikkra and Kj after nic went home..
Yeah I feel so retarded blogging now..

The 555th post of this blog.

2008-05-27T17:33:00.002+08:00

Wow. This is 555th time I'm blogging in this blog. How cool.
I'm so bored that I finished reading all my previous blogs, and whole of the archives word by word.
Yeah this is exactly how no-life I am, even Edwin is out at work already today :(
Why haven't I agreed to go out to work today manszx, now my bank account is left with a pathetic 12 bucks ok laugh go laugh.

Okay I'm not that poor actually.. It's just that I spent too much suddenly :/
(On mostly random stuffs, WORST.)

Man, my friends and boyfriend are all out at play. I'm the only loser that is grounded at home.
MOMMY THIS IS A FUCKING WRONG TIME TO BE HAVING PMS! And the worst time to vent it out on me :(
Girls just wanna go out have fun during holidays mom. Thanks mom. Let me go out please mom.
THIS SUCKS SO MUCH. EVEN MY ONLINE FRIENDS ARE OUT HAVING FUN.
Drinking. Dancing. Working (still fun I don't care as long as you're not at home). Sleeping (fuck lah I just woke up after 14 hours of sleep). Shopping (I still want to go even though I've got no money. I CAN ALWAYS GO TO BALESTIER AND BEG DADDY FOR IT ;P). Swimming (No it's raining now no no). Exercising (I just gained 1 kg damn it). Studying (IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS TO STUDY ALONE AT HOME OKIES). Doing ART, D&T (I don't know what to draw now siaaaa). Eating.

SEE MOMMY JUST LET ME GO OUT AND FULFIL ONE LITTLE TASK.
I CAN'T DO SHIT AT HOME.
(I'm gonna rot in front of the comp already lahhhhhhhhhhhh)

Headaches. Headaches. Headaches. LET ME GO OUT!

Argh wth I type so much not like she'll read also. HAHA sheesh I'm just venting out my frustrations. Really, THERE'S NO ONE TO EVEN TALK CRAP WITH ME ON THE PHONE NOW LOR.
wlao where're the people who always claim that they LOVE ME MISS ME?!
LIARS. LIARS. LIARS.
Okay lame I'm just kidding ;)

Haha second round of persuading-mom-to-let-me-go-out-today. BYE PEEPS.

Look at me, I think I'm damn confident. I'm sure I can go out so byeeeeeeeeee.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A LOSER STUCKED AT HOME PL0X.

KKBBTC!

I just want to pretend.

2008-05-27T01:40:00.003+08:00

~~Sometimes, I really wish that this could be the end for the two of us.~~
(Though a small little part of me doesn't want to say goodbye)
I tried holding on..
But it all these seems to come closer to an END.
Perhaps, it's a beautiful ending.. (who knows right.)
Everyone tell me to think twice, think thrice, think think think before I act just because I might hurt your heart and soul.. breaks your hearts.
(No make it two, you guys forgot to include mine)
Maybe all these is already in my thoughts, I already sort of made up my mind..
We're moving on just because I'm delaying time.
I'm sorry for venting all my shit on you, but you should have guessed as much. No?
Perhaps, mind games aren't very suitable for you. I should give it time, BUT time is not giving me..

I swear, I hate to be in love.

But all these are just EMPTY TALKS. Why? Cause I lack of guts to do what I fucking want.
Because I told myself after the uzumaki guy incident, I'm never gonna fucking regret the things I've done or decided. Like, what's the point right?

--

Hi people I just finished taking my MOTHER TONGUE O LEVELS CHINESE PAPER 1 AND 2 YAWL. yeahyeahyeah~
I know I'm gonna flunk itttttttttt but but but I'm prepared to retake. Ah fuck it all, I'm not prepared. How can I EVER be prepared with these hanging emotions. WTF!
I know I suck, I let my emotions take the better of me. Yeah I'm like this, this is Hazel.

Short chill-out time with Made-line, watching Ryan videos. Damn cool of teh world, you know what.. It's damn shiok to hang out with you again girl. I know you feel uneasy unhappy and all but don't worry I UNDERSTANDDDDDDDDDDDD FULLY FULLY kays.
Just nice, I was thinking of telling you that I wanna stay home tomorrow too..
Aites, stay home and don't think too much kay :) Anything, I'm just 7 blocks, 1 phone call or 1 sms away :D
me mwah you even though just now wasn't a really fucking great time. Babe I sensed it and i knew how you felt. SO DON'T WORRY XFQ :D

Yeah Dean, I went to drink.. COKE AND SPRITE.
Went on to meet up with Nic to look for flinz. She came to open her gate as soon as she heard dogs barking coolshit heh.
Sort of drank (greentea) and got drunk. LOL! LOL! LOL! Okay we look alike ~

AH FUCK.
No actually I'm not really feeling as high as I seem. You know I have the word "liar" written all over my face so I should really stop. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKK!
IM DAMN IRRITATED BY EVERY SINGLE SHIT. EVEN THE FUCKING LAPTOP WANTS TO GO AGAINST ME BLACKOUT AND MY PHONE WHATEVER OKAY NOW MY EYES ARE SHUTTING SEE WTF EVERYTHING EVERYONE IS AGAINST ME. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS I'M TYPING NONSENSE AND AH FUCK LAH FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'M SWEARING SO BADLY SERIOUSLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKK IT ALL.

Sorry ck sorry anaqi sorry kj sorry unknown person sorry flinda.
FOR REPLYING HAHA LOL only which you know i usually won't.
I SWEAR THERE'S NOTHING I CAN THINK OF NOW. I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ANYONE.

Okay the only words I have in my mind right now are "haha, lol, bye, hi, AND FUCK".

fine, FUCK! HI LOL. BYE HAHA.

It's been the longest winter without you.

2008-05-25T14:02:00.002+08:00

There-are-some-things-i-cannot-blog-about-because- i-must-take-consider-to-some-people's-feelings.

Ah screw it.

Hi.
Tomorrow is the killer paper siol. Say wow. WOW.
Why am I so retarded? Because I'm no longer an angel right after January 31st.

Indiana Jones was a pretty nice movie. Yesterday's mugging session was pretty productive and I'm so fucking in love with Thom Yam I swear to eat it right after tmr's paper. :D (eh cup noodle one also counted ah)

Okay lame I'm just here to upload some overdue piccys.

Byebye.

Future. What's that?

2008-05-23T20:11:00.002+08:00

Last day of school. (okay maybe it's not =.=)
Oh shit, I lost my schedule for the june holidays lessons. :(
Anybody can lend me yours to photocopy :/ FLINDA NICOLE I KNOW YOU ALL READING MY BLOG LEND ME OKAY HAHAHA! :D

I just handed my report book to my mom just now for signature. I don't know why.. but this time its really.. crap. My results suck like hardcore. I failed all my sciences, did very badly for bio. Screwed up my mother tongue and got a fucking b4. Screwed up english too and got a fucking c6. I was so depressed I can't seem to see the light. (Not even the light coming from the man-in-black from my dream lol lame)
And as usual failed maths.. yeah that bloody subject that many can score full marks, just not me.

Just a little surprised.. mom didn't scold.
Yeah I guess she can't be bothered anymore. I bet she's wondering what have I been doing these days.. saying I'm out to study and all. Fact is I did study, maybe not enough.. but I really have no idea what can I do to improve. If I do badly = I never study hard enough no matter what. It's like this year I tried so hard.. I really did open up my books to study and all. And this is what I get. But whoever that sees my result would just make a nice remark "i bet you didn't study right! time to buck up!" Looking at my results.. I feel so ashamed to tell them I really did hide in my room all this while looking the questions over and over again. It would feel so like a lie. I really feel damn stress like as if I've let the whole world down.

Tell me how else can I improve other than saying "study hard".

Fuck it all why don't the world end today like right now. If it's gonna end in 4 years time..
I hope that day REALLY comes.
(fuck all my regrets in life.. nah just end it.)

Maybe this is the reason to my 3 freshly popped pimples.

People who got lesser points than me are already fighting for places in JC.. What position am I in to even compete with them..? I am such a loser.
It's like mom expects every single soul in the family to get into the university. But.. :(
(Okay lah don't ask me to cheer up relax now mid-years don't stress or whatever now, it doesn't work that way!)
So please if you got something to say.... Just give me hardcore thrashing make sure I wake up like now.

I don't know why. I really don't know why I get irritated over the littlest thing so fucking easily recently. (Even when I trip I will go "wtf lah" and start scolding the floor the stone whatever.. I know it's retarded) Like forgetting to bring things would make me panic like hell. And everything else just make my heart skip a beat.

It just feels so empty right now. Like to everything I'm doing right now, something is missing. Like even spending time with people, I would feel like someone is missing.

Yesterday I was really damn fucked up. This morning I felt like giving myself a slap.
Okay actually for the whole of today.. I was so like a retard, laughing at every single shit making all those crazy noises.. I wonder what's wrong with me.
Maybe I really need help. Help.

This is so contradicting.. people always tell me their problems, and I always try to help them..
But fact is, I can't even handle my own ones. What is thisssssss?

wlao I'm so irritated. Okay no I'm not.
No lah I'm just hungry bye I go stuff myself with bread.

P/S : This feeling is already not right. Someone help me make the situation better please.

My dream.

2008-05-22T17:01:00.003+08:00

Okay this is all about my dream. The dream that had been disturbing me for like 2 days.
So I've decided to record it down :)
And went to get it deciphered too lol!

Here goes..

In my dream :
I was holding hands with this very tall guy that's wearing black. And I was wearing white.
Interpretation :
To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection(?) with that person (Don't even know who's that guy lorrrr). Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart.
Black symbolizes the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, hate or malice.
If the feeling in the dream is one of joy, blackness could imply hidden spirituality and divine qualities.
To dream in black and white, suggests that you need to be more objective in formulating your decisions. You may be a little too unyielding in your thought process and thus need to find some sort of balance between two opposing views. Consider the views and opinions of others. Alternatively, black and white dreams is a sign of depression or sadness. You may feel that there is not enough excitement in your life.

In my dream :
I dreamt that the person asked me if I wanted to go to the toilet.. And I actually wanted to. *lol ;p* And the door of the toilet left a deep impression in my mind* (Because there was a cockroach on the door that gave me the shock of my life!)
And beside the toilet was this row of bathroom and I saw an old lady and a baby girl showering with her clothes on. (I can never forget this part of the dream because the old lady was starring at me freakishly! And because the clothes were on.. :/)
Interpretation :
To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.
A door that opens into the inside, denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.
To see a cockroach in your dream, signifies your need for renewal, rejuvenation and self-cleansing of your psychological, emotional, or spiritual being. You need to reevaluate major aspects of your life.
To dream of a baby shower, suggests that you are welcoming a new start. You are given a chance to start over again and do things differently this time around. You have a new found faith in life itself.
To dream that you (or someone) is showering with their clothes on, suggests that even though you (or someone) change your outer appearances, it does not change who you are on the inside. Alternatively, your dream may indicate that you are unwilling to let your guard down. You are still keeping up a protective barrier between you and others.
To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love affair may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make new and fun friends. Babies may symbolize something in your own inner nature which is pure, vulnerable, and/or uncorrupted.
To dream of a crying baby, is indicative of a part of yourself that is deprived of attention and needs some nurturing. (lol)

In my dream :
The face of the guy I held hands with were damn close to mine like as if we were about to kiss..
(At a restaurant with many fishes in the fish tanks. Okay its a seafood restaurant I think.)Until my maid started shouting my name telling me I was late for school (LOL! Okay luckily she woke me up..... BUT I want to know the ending man!!! ..I just want to know who's that guy lol)
Interpretation :
If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone, indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. You are looking for some sort of relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it.
To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.
To dream that you are in a restaurant, suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions/choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.

To see an acquaintance in your dream, signifies positive affairs in business and harmony in your home life. It also foretells that you will see or hear from them shortly after this dream.

To dream that you have a husband (but you do not in your waking life), symbolizes some sort of partnership and/or commitment. Often, it is also representative of the qualities of your father in which you projected onto this figure or the masculine side of your own personality.
(Okay I don't know if he's my husband.. lol but nevermind since I've searched for it.. hehe)

To dream that you are embarrassed, signifies hidden weaknesses and fears. You may feel that your self-confidence has been undermined. This dream also suggests of insecurities about your sexuality.

To dream that you are happy, may be a compensatory dream and is often a dream of the contrary. You may be trying to compensate for the sadness or stress in your waking life.

To see shrimp in your dream, suggests that you are feeling overpowered and insignificant.

To see meals in your dream, signifies that you dwell too much on trivial matters and it will divert your attention from more important engagements and matters.

Lol while I'm at it..
I went on with the horoscope.. haha :D

She likes Mr. Nice Guy, considerate, courteous, charming. Polish up your technique. She's quite frank and outspoken and occasionally forgets to think before speaking, so prepare yourself for a few shockers. She's independent and capable but she still needs a strong man to anchor onto. Show her your strong dependable nature, not weakness. She'll test you to see if you are weak, so don't let her intimidate you, tell her to shut up and ignore the ruse. She will sometimes obsess over little things and make herself depressed, cheer her up and advise her about the problem. She'll be happy as long as you don't flirt with other women.
A few don'ts: Don't try bossing her around, ask or suggest diplomatically. Don't get affectionate or too showy in public with her. Wait until you are in private to turn up the steam. Don't expect her to give up civilization and live out in the boon docks with nothing to do, she needs activity especially for her mind. She's concerned with security and position, so if you have promise, she'll hitch a ride with you and become your manager and cheerleader. Show her a future. She is a traditionalist with a family orientation, you need to show that interest also. She is earthy and has a sex drive that may surprise you. She has to get to know you before she can love you, so be patient and wait for her to come around. She may be more interested in staying at home with you then being out socially. However, if it is regarding career or finances, she'll be happy to be the social bug.
A few don'ts: Don't poke fun at or demean her family. Don't expect her to give up her friends. Don't force her into a social agenda unless it involves career or business. Avoid being critical about her personality or likes and dislikes. Don't expect her to make snap judgments, she needs time to think. Don't expect her to jump into a new and contemporary lifestyle, she is married to convention.

She goes best with: Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces
She clashes with: Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Taurus
Neutral: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

Ah this post is so long.. Seriously, after having my dream deciphered.. it feels damn damn damn great. Maybe its not true or whatsoever but, I believe ;)
You don't believe its your problem ;p

Mother tongueeeeeeeee, I kept falling asleep please. It's like damn sleepy when you see so many chinese characters. Its like they're dancing in front of you~
God, final showdown is coming.

Yeah people work hard study hard pray hard AND GO DREAM. Lol.

K lah K lah bye.

Say it like you mean it.

2008-05-22T06:55:00.002+08:00

I guess I have no guts to say those words anymore.
I always contradict myself. So the best is to shut up and leave everyone alone.
Those words are way too powerful. Guess they really mean a lot to you, but I am just too afraid to say them out loud. Yes out loud.

yeah bye I'm off to school. (gosh look at the time now.....)

Waiting.

2008-05-21T21:27:00.002+08:00

Intensive chinese day 2. I swear it was damn unproductive. No offence, but it's really damn tough to concentrate. I felt the sense of urgency already, and find it pointless to spend extra cash to retake.. and of course the amount of time you need to spare out for chinese.
(I'm sorry for starting to study hard only now.. give me a chance lah. I still have a few days, let my pea brain absorb a little bit more?)

See if you do it once and well.. one subject is down.
(I suppose everyone else are geniuses heh. Okay hi I'm retarded.)

First the weather is already making you feel "hot" as in really HOT. HOT. Yes HOT HOT HOT.
It's like burning already, you get more annoyed with noises everywhere.
I don't know maybe it's just me? Yes I'm sure it's just me.
I get irritated over the littlest things and I chill very easily too lol.

Okay chillllll~ At least mother tongue lesson part2 was at IT room.
Really chilled haha.

Home. Prepared and met up with JABS to PRP to cycle double-bike.
(Wanted to blade at first but I think there's this maintenance shit so yeah)
I've never ever blade in my whole life. My first 'blading time' was at the lift lobby of Madeline's block. Didn't even manage to get into the lift. Pathetic much?

Madeline Yvonne Rebecca THANKS FOR TODAY MWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

It feels so like sec2 but I like ;)
So long since we last went out like this. I guess they're answering to my little prayers. I remember missing them like hardcore previously. And here I get my little meet-up.
Oh and 2/7 gathering, June 06.. ahhhh shiok I love you guys :D

My goal is to sleep at 11 today so that I won't doze off tomorrow during chinese :)

--

We wait. We wait. And we wait. All our lives, we've been waiting and waiting.
We never really noticed other people that have been constanly revolving around us.
Why? Maybe it's just me. I've been too self-centered.

Looking at and hearing other people's stories made me feel so bad. I thought, why.. why have been deceiving not only everyone but myself too.
Perhaps, we're really living a lie. (yes we are)
We conceal all those flaws and laugh things off. You wish that every single thing would end off like those happy endings found only in fairytales. You always lie to yourself that it will it will happen one day, but that day never ever comes.

Am I in this the right time? Am I in this with the right mind?

All these thoughts.. Are they signs of regret?

Hahaha it's just a joke. Let's laugh. We'll laugh at it together and we'll promise each other that it won't hurt a bit.

You know I love you, you know I like you, you know I miss you. You know I've always been feeling this way towards you.

Goodnight :)

P/S : MARLY SMILE :) I know it doesn't work that way. You cry I offer you tissue. You smile, I smile with you. HAZEL WOULD ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU K!

Hi, the angel from my nightmare.

2008-05-20T20:42:00.004+08:00

Intensive chinese was really INTENSIVE. (please include the heat.)
I don't know why.. but whenever it's warm I'll feel like dozing off zzzzzzzZZZZZ.
I was perspiring like mad though I was just shaking legs at the first row of the classroom. Lol ya first row is usually the warmest :(
(Oh and last row, I remember sitting right at the back last year..
"tong xue men hui dao zhuo wei bu yao tang zai di shang")
Sheesh I miss having chinese class with my own class :( Why must they separate me from my mom LOL! ok lame.

Hey I went for enrichment class! (though I was sleeping half the time ooops)
Today is the last enrichment class righttt?

Watched netball match with Kj, retarded kid and guy-who-sleeps-on-the-canteen-bench.
Kj sent me home and went straight to cc to meet up with SHADOWS. (Ya not even changing out of my sch uniform ;p)

It was coolshit dinner with you guys :D (though yvonne left early)
Ivory fullmannnnnnnnn~ ! (haha nice one nic and tiara :D)
Gah, it feels like the pizzahut day? yes no? haha! ..wait was that the day that rebecca got horny and started molesting everyone making me scream like idiotszxc!
Haha thanks SHADOWS :D Let's have more of such dinners/lunches :)
Tomorrow is meal at Changi Village right? :)
I've got a tongue piercing suddenly hahahahahaha!

--

I think these are pretty :)

(http://jewelrycollection.blogspot.com/)
My favourite one is the crescent moon one.
I'm in love with crescent moon now :) Ohya because I'm one right LOL!!! (S)

--

Have you felt like you're changing for the wrong cause?
Have you felt like you are losing yourself just because you want to accomodate to someone?
Have you ever missed someone you never really treasured?

Changes are so inevitable, and I don't seem to like them or adapt so well.. though I often deny :(
Perhaps I've been changing constanly.
I guess there is really something wrong with me.. One moment I can laugh fucking happily with you, the other moment.. your face just disgusts me.
What's wrong? I have no idea and I wished I knew.. maybe that's the reason (why my life sucks~ very much)

I never ever wanna live my life to regret again :( That feeling just sucks.
At this point of time, there's really no more chance to be shy or afraid to say what you want..
Because if you don't do it now, maybe you won't have a chance anymore..
Wait I sound like I'm dying soon, haha maybe yes.

Argh fuck it.. I miss my friends. I miss them so much. I miss them so so much.
Weirdo broke his promise. (ok maybe it's a good thing cuz I woke up late today anyways~)
This weird feeling comes and never go.. You know heart just feels so empty..
Like something is missing from your life even though you've got the best people around you.
Maybe I should learn to be contented then maybe my life won't feel so terrible.

haha yes.

Wtf.

goodbye me want go sleep and dream of the zoo.
(polar bears.. giraffes.. elephants.. argh just bring me to the zoo please, I had a deprived childhood "SOLI".)

P/S : I feel like writing all I wanna say on pieces of paper, fold them into paperplanes then fly them to you. It feels so like yesterday that I was laughing with you~
Can I go back to Malaysia this June :(

So ordinary.

2008-05-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

LOL.

Shit. Today was supposed to be a study-hardcore-for-chinese-because-left-8-more-days or a start-sketching-like-mad day but...........
I ended up finish watching my k drama ;p
Eh as in I really finished ALL the episodes already! It's like 4 at one go today hahaha!
I totally loved the ending of "Hello Miss". It's like fucking nice.

So maybe like what that lady told me.. Watching K dramas could improve your chinese. (I read the subtitles ;p)

Home alone today was certainly great. Had my little small small space to sort things out emotionally. And... packed my room a little. Threw away unwanted papers and placed all my color pencils back to their original places. You know I'm an untidy worker haha!

After which, accompanied mom and her friend to IKEA to replace broken cups thanks to my bros and awfully careless maid.
So my part-time job today was housewife's trolley.
Bought some pretty cups and plates :)

I totally can't understand why do "aunties" get violent over the most minor things ever. I went to dine at the IKEA Cafe restaurant whatever and witnessed hardcore "seat-snatch".
Lol. I was waiting for seats and this super fierce "auntie" came to fight for seats with this poor little indian lady.. Worst of all, that "auntie" started shouting at her for not giving up the seats to her. Wtf.
And the indian lady was there first. Okay no.. I was there first but its ok.

That's not the best part. Best part is I got scolded for not being daring enough to get the seats =.=
Imagine this 2 aunties are arguing over the seats then Hazel went over to join in..
Outcome would be : I would have gotten double thrashing.

Yes? No?

So I always say.. "relax lah just a fucking seat"

Omg so much about AUNTIES. I think they're fucking hard to understand...

MOTHERTONGUE revision starts tomorrow. Hi there's terrorism talk tomorrow. I know Anaqi's favourite ;p
Weirdo, don't forget you're suppose to go to school with me tomorrow :D

Kaygoodnight.

Being here with me.

2008-05-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

We're all the same, we deny.

To nicole,
I bet you're feeling damn bad. I guess its better if you prepare yourself for the worst, like you won't fall too hard. I don't know but he's just different, so different that we're not used to it. We don't know how to handle. But ultimately, decisions and choices all lie in you. I can only be beside you sharing the same tub of ben&jerry or... hugging you and holding your hand telling you it's gonna be fine. (lol so gay, but nehhhhmind lah once in a while)
haha laopo cheeeeeeeeer up though I know saying this don't usually work. I guess this is the LEASTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I can do :(
I know it hurts. It's fucking pain to act like you don't mind when you do..
I know it's fucking tough to give up and move on cause you've fallen in love with him already. I just want you to know, if you need a listening ear.. I'm all yours.
And.. sorry for times I couldn't understand how tough was it to be in your shoes.
Now I understand, I feel you. I just wish you'll be fine real soon.
HAPPY NICOLE COME HOME!

To flinda,
you bad girl. you bad bad girl. thanks alot :)
argh don't know but i guess right now you're having the same problems as me.
BUT hold on, like what you told me right.. it just started, give yourself some time to get used to it. Don't feel stress over it. MOST IMPORTANTLY, don't laugh things off and hide it to yourself kayyyyy. Anything.. nic and I would be there :D (oh and tiara hadi!)
:D:D:D:D
Okay lah after o levels i bring you go fishing! haha!
CHILL CHILL, ok i know you laughing now. But yeah, i am hazel. I am retarded so let's laugh together :)
Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

To Gelin,
CHEER UP BABE. I think I damn noob I don't know what to do. But don't worry, season 2 would make your day shiokkkkkkk only. haha butterfly left be happy :)

--

I like it this way, I like it when everything get clears up and.. I'll just feel damn relaxed.

I swear last night was one of the toughest night for me to fight with me myself to go right into my lalaland.

But at least I've got great company at home last night making things less emotional-ish.

All of edgar's friends came over to my place at like 3 am? =.= (to think that they wanted to play soccer at first. yes weirdos bingo.)
So it was chatting with mjcguy, jingguo, unknown person and .. on msn last night.
Until it became phone-talk with unknown person until 5 am and plus background disturbance coming from lincoln and jingguo =.=

I don't know why it's just damn shiok letting everything out! fuck it all, screw my brains and just thrash me right in the face slap me wide awake.
God knows what happened to me. No lah not pms or whatsoever.

Sometimes, you just feel sucky because of misinterpretations and insufficient understanding.
So yeah, sorry :(

HAHA thanks peopleeeeeeeee, thanks all the lovely people.
You people sure know how to detect unhappy face. I dint even breathe a word and you guys knew something was wrong. Right I owe you guys big time :D

--

Okay now enough of all these heart yes heart no love yes love no i sad you sad whatever thing..
I bought stuffs from ART friend already yesterday from takashimaya. Yes how farrrrrr~
And bought a top from cotton what uh? Okay and no I didn't get myself a polo tee =.=

Tuition today was cancelled and nice. Nice chilling time with nic and flinz :)
(We should include tiara next time!!!)

Ah wtf I don't know what I'm feeling now! Okay I feel the sense of urgency to study for mother tongue o levels liao. Hello 7 more fucking days. No time to sit here and weep weep.

Bye.

P/S: I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO GO KL. Or Wisma Atria again :( LOL. (Actually I want to go play all the thrill rides like hardcore.)

Spastic superman.

2008-05-17T02:16:00.002+08:00

Secrets. secrets. Secrets. secrets.
A place we keep where no one else will find.

RATS carnival. I don't know but I guess our stall was damn cool.. with the balls. lol.
And I don't who started the water bottle fights. I swear it's damn disgusting.......!
(they didn't wash the bottles or..?)
Yuenian and Zhijie happily poured a whole bottle of water down my head. Nice.

I looked like I just had a bath after the carnival.

And we had to stay in place for IPP.(The toilet was the coolest thing ever. Joshua made a peephole.) 'Blow wind blow' was damn fun, haha I know I'm retarded.
Forfeited thrice. So I'm now the ultimate spastic superman who can do chicken dance :X

Mothertongue lesson. (Had to endure the whole lesson feeling damn sticky and smelly omg)
Btw, it's 10 more days peopleeeeeee. Oh now it's 9.

Met up with Kj, flinz, chikkra, tiara.. then later unknown person and his friend.
I wrote an essay using kj's legendary dictionary (lol!).
Caught a movie before going home -MadeOfHonour-
It was freaking hilarious..
and it suddenly turned awkward towards the end of the show.
I don't know if it's just me or.. Why do I always see miss chan during weekends? :/

I've this very very very weird feeling right now.
K bye.

P/S : So tired. But I guess things are starting to get better just as when I thought I'm starting to lose it. Maybe it's just me, too sensitive and expected way too much. Life's like that~

Never once forgotten.

2008-05-15T22:29:00.002+08:00

Finally gotten back all my results, except for english situational writing.
I don't know why but its damn nice to get an 'A' even if its for just a subject. (Somemore I didn't really put in much effort for ART, it was all last minute prep work.)
And its after moderation somemore.. gotta buck up!

I failed my combined humanities, combined science, biology and math. Its almost all the subjects I'm taking damn it!
I only passed my languages and ART. Pathetic thanks yeah i know.

Nice sleeping time in class today.. 2 free periods straight.. =.=
(And yeah I play world of warcraft man!)

Lol seriously. Today is soooo about memories I swear. First we talked about all the online games we used to play back then.. -gunbound (haha ivanku), maplestory (haha dragoon!)... etc-
And it all started because zhijie commented on my essay telling everyone I play world of warcraft =.=

Then I went to fish's house to make bombs no I mean balls. (LOL!)

Rushed straight home for a sudden dinner with relatives at jin leng(?) restaurant, the one outside Mustafa.. Ahkun's uncle restaurant :)
Heard that it was belated mother's day celebration. (people all have advance we shiok only have belated)
Guess what, I ate Ostrich meat. (yeaps not the first time though, grandma was quite disgusted at first.. and after that went on eating like hardcore.)
It was damn embarrassing when grandma started asking me about my results x.x

--

You guys would never know how it feels like! I swear I was smiling damn happily just now.
After 2 years...................AFTER 2 YEARS :D
It's good to know that he's fine, with a freaking NICE haircut. I remember the first time we met, he was cutting his hair =.=
haha aww so sweet.

k ya goodbye.

P/S : I accidentally forgot to post this yesterday lol!

Heaven's gate.

2008-05-14T19:08:00.002+08:00

Nice. I like it when my friends see what I see :)
This morning as I was on my way to school, I saw beautiful clouds in the sky..
I thought it was just me, until nic started pointing to the sky and said .. "look at the clouds"

haha :D

Heaven's gate.. :)

I guess this is the first time I did so badly for my examinations. So badly that I didn't even manage to pass any subjects other than English and Chinese. (erm english haven't even get overall so not counted.)
The most disappointing subjects were chem+physics and bio :( .. and maths.

Tomorrow I would be getting results for ART. *breathes in*

I was so upset with myself at first. I was so disappointed with all the results I got.
I love my friends, they always cheer me up. So nice to laugh with them :D
Hehe thanks nic flinz tiara!

--

Hazel stop hazel stop hazel stop. No wait, do I know you?
-Goodbye says it all-

Goodbye.

P/S : Why am I missing you? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Can't be fooled again.

2008-05-13T16:01:00.004+08:00

I lack of confidence and I'm avoiding. I got what I craved for most, also what I fear most..
Nothing lasts forever, and I'm ready.. Always ready.
I'll be holding on before it fades away.. :)
(I doubt it's even a mistake)

Yesterday was a mad rush for K drama, I thought since I have 4 days break.. might as well make full use of it, since I have to catch up on my studies after that.
But then again, I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

I don't like to be where I am now, and what I am doing now..
Fighting to get the very good grades, struggling to compete with people way smarter than me..
Maybe I used to have a very strong fighting spirit, the super positive mentality of beating my elder brother academically.
But definitely not now.. All I have in mind is "aiya they smart they win good lor.."

It's already Mid-years and what am I doing?

F9 maths, F9 science.

It's really damn easy to say "STUDY HARD! GOGO! FEW MONTHS TO GO! I will study hard. I will do my best!"
But actually, it's so difficult to act accordingly to what you say.
Or is it just me?
Right now, I don't even feel the sense of urgency..

Like what's the point of studying so hard, when your chances of getting super good grades is not even confirmed. (Eh can give up or not uh? people damn tired already.. send me to some isolated kampong lah.. wtf.)

Ya I can do it.
Really, I can't understand what the fuck I'm learning. All those crazy formulas.
whatever mole force density velocity everything, I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW.
:(
I can't think.. Yes it's amazing someone like me can actually stay in express~
(who knows, I might land up in ITE after I graduate and make both my parents 'proud'.. be the legend of my family line.)

Ah wtf, negative thoughts hi.
Actually I'm just grumbling about how much more work I have to do..
There's no end to hardwork.. :(

I am.. disappointed with my results. I mean yes I've expected that kind of results cause halfway through the papers I decided to GIVE UP (yes what the hell RIGHT.)
But yesterday night, I secretly wished that there will be a tiny little miracle.
Maybe yes, I did much better for chemistry? lol ok not counted lah lame.

Don't misinterpret anything. I'm just grumbling here, complaining about everything.
I'm still as happy as I am last night, when I'm typing out that super long post.
Cheh Mid-years only.. O levels come lah one on one >;/ (shit sorry forgot its not just me)

Okay I got to run, bye.

Now it's just a joke.

2008-05-12T20:07:00.003+08:00

Hi there are some things I feel like recording in my blog.
Maybe its because of the new blogskin but that's not the point.

At this point in time, I've experienced so much..
Maybe it's like an ant compared to what the adults have experienced.

I've been through the lowest point of my time, and the highest point of my life.
There were times I hated my family to the max, and there were times I treasured them like hardcore.

As I'm typing all these, I feel like I'm on a time machine looking at what've done all these time..

Mom has been the finest support ever.
I can never forget the times that I complained about her bad cooking. (oops)
The times that I blamed her for forgetting her promises despite knowing there are so much things she had to remember, so many responsibilities to bear.. (oops)
I even yelled at her, slammed the door against her just because I had my bad days and decided to vent it all on her.. (damn, I suck)
And not forgetting all the lies about my whereabouts..
No matter how guilty I'm feeling, I know I'll never ever change.
I just can't bring myself to admit the wrong things I've done, like sneaking out at night, going out doing things I know she wouldn't like.
Yes.. even until now.
I'm sorry mom.

Dad had always been damn supportive in whatever I do. He's always there to ask if I'm fine, helping me when I get scolded or nagged by mom.
The one who'll give me a hug when I cry.
He's the man who'll appear in all those meet-the-parent sessions or whatever performances I'm taking part in (even if I'm acting as a stationary tree).
Ya and of course the man who'll stay up to watch k dramas with me.
And he would drive me to school in 3 minutes after running up the carpark (top level) although he had been working hard all night.
Thing is, what have I done for my parents?

Let's see, bad results? Lies? Or the pathetic trophy that's in the living room collecting dust.. (ah ya primary school trophies).
Or my bad temper? Or stubborn personality?

Ya parents. How can I live without them.
I am nothing without them.

--

Then to my childhood playmates..
Endang, Siblings.. cousins.. friends.
Since Endang left, I cried so hard. Even until know, I would still cry when I think of her.
Nobody can actually replace her. She's been there watching me grow up.
She really cared from the bottom of her heart and not just for the sake of working and earning.
Everyone would think that after the maid went home, you'll lose all contacts from her yes no?
But fact is, she calls back every now and then.. wishes me happy birthday and happy new year and all.
I was so angry with mom when she said she didn't want Endang back..

But it's ok..
This is the power of friendship, no matter how far we are away from each other..
We still have a place for each other in out hearts :)

It's a good thing that Albert came to Singapore..
We quarreled like mad, but I definitely love times spent with him :D
The best listening ear most of the time.

Haha bet you guys are laughing at how retarded I used to look like right!

And of course, I have 2 wonderful brothers.
Younger and Older.
I used to hate being sanwiched in the middle cause I'm always upset that mom is bias.
But no, come to think of it.. at least my birth was planned.
Dad wanted a daughter. Why haven't I appreciated times that they treated me like a princess?

Growing up..

Meeting one the best friends I ever make.
Madeline Leong.

Since primary school, we changed so much. From the super shy us, we shared drinks..
Then started the quarrels. Then called ourselves "xiiaofuqi", played the twiitszx.
We liked the same guy, blushed together. Hanged out together.
Then quarrel and patched up again. Doesn't this feel like BGR?
Who would have thought we could be the bestest friends ever? Who would have thought we would slap ourselves with bloody bad remarks then cry because we thought the friendship had ended -just like that-
But no, we're now talking on MSN and crapping like there's no tomorrow.
I don't know what it feels like, but it's just so great.
To people who're constantly poking your nose into other people's problems..
Hi she's still my friend , DUH =.=
Who said that best friends must be together ALL THE TIME?! Who said that best friends can only have one friend? ;p
I'll always have her in my heart no matter where I go, no matter who I am with.
Beat that, bitch more :D

Ahhuh..
More things happened.
Met more people.

I really love 2/7.
I really love SHADOWS.
I really love Wendehs and I really miss her a lot!
2/7 gathering.. June holidays, we're having one right?
SHADOWS.. I really don't know.. Probably I'll just have it kept in my heart.
At least I'll remember all the fond memories. Haha, people are moving on..
They probably won't get to read all these, but I really enojyed sec2 A LOT A LOT.

Wendehs is my pretties cousin ever. I really love her to the max. When are we going out again :(

In and out of love. Crushes.
Malaysia-Singapore relationship. Online relationships. Age-gap relationship. Whatever that is, I never regret stepping right in.
Like what Tiara say.. it's impossible to forget completely.
Well, I do treasure the sweet memories.
My first love brought me to the grassland to look at stars.

Online relationships are just so thrilling. You don't even know how he look like, but it's just nice to have someone to talk all night.
Haha Ivan Ku. That was like primary six thing? I remember him calling some time ago?
Hahaha it's just so funny. I forgot where I left his picture.
I remember mom throwing away the love letter he sent to me before showing me.
(wlao people send from m'sia one leh)

Polar bear, Weirdo.. all those yes-no-yes-no relationships. Knowing more people, lost contact, know more people again.
Then knowing Lincoln while working. Omg overage guy. 23?

Last december love story. Lol.
Last december was probably the most havoc time of my life?
I had love, friends, money, everything.

Then at the start of this year says goodbye to everything..
Left alone to mend my broken heart. Trying real hard to forget the guy who stole my heart away last december.

I was so glad that Flinz, Nic and Tiara appeared in my life.
I am so glad to be in 3/2.

Tiara thanks for always listening to my problems during all the lab sessions.
Thanks for all the hugs and all! You're really damn sweet. You always put others before yourself! Don't think so much about the it already, you'll always have us! :D
Nic laopo you know I love you lah :D Late night talk again? 3 am!
Flinz good good, i know you now happy can already :)

Of course I never forget all the other important people in my life..
Alson big bro (its a pity i can't post your pic up here :/) , The super tall big bro who will talk to me on the phone till morning.. MSN and watch movie with me..
Chengkang! (shocked not! i mean if you're reading :/) , haha the mugger :D
Khein, and all other edgar's friends! (lol)
Khein is super nice :) Super gentleman! haha really damn nice, always helping me to take my things and scolding Edwin for me :)

haha shamira munirah everyone in 3/2 :D
All my colleauges..
(ALL THE ONLINE PEOPLE, thanks. You know it's retarded to put ALL the names here. Later you think I random or siao or whatever.)

I usually blog when I'm feeling damn sad and have no one to turn to.
But today I'm blogging because I'm at the highest point of my life.
With the wonderful memories, wonderful people, everything nice all around me.

And and and and and KJ.
Nope I never forget you!
You know they always say.. save the best for last right :D
To tell you the truth, I only like you after we got together.
When I noticed you, I never actually like as in like like you.
(this is confusing i know)
Really, I enjoyed the whole month spent with you. All those times you gave in to me, surprise me and all. You know now.. I love you so much I'm gna lock you up.
haha! :D
I can't believe we're together for a month already.. one month really isn't enough :)
I don't know what else to say, but this is perhaps the best moment ever.
Blah you should know how I feel towards you already by now..

Okay these pretty much sums up my life.
Perhaps there are more to it.. but I'm tired already.
It's such a long post.
Goodnight.

P.S : It's not Monday tmr :(

One month.

2008-05-12T15:32:00.002+08:00

Happy first month. (I've never done this before.. whatever happy first month yes no stuffs :/)
It's been a month :)
Sorry for not preparing anything for you :/
I thought such things didn't matter to you.. I thought you won't even remember :/
But thanks a lot, thanks for the lovely night love you love you lots :D

--

Hi I woke up at 3 pm today. Damn it, I haven't finish watching my k drama and school is starting TOMORROWWWWW! Hi I'm still stucked at part2 episode 8 :( There's still 4 more parts to go :(
And 2 other boxes of k drama waiting for meeeeee!

This short break is really damn short.
Saturday was a day out with flinz and nic to town.
And nothing really caught my eye, either that or the things were not very affordable.

Yesterday I isolated myself from the outside world, I even appeared offline for a while because some idiots have been damn annoying. Nah, actually I was chiong-ing my k drama.
The best damn thing to do during holidays is hide inside the master bedroom watching your favorite show!

Met up with kj at night :)

Think I'm going out with Albert soon. Cousins-day-out :)

Goodbye. Don't be late for school tmr weirdo. (Erm, I'm speaking for myself too :/)

Ana Free - Memories.

2008-05-10T15:34:00.003+08:00

Said I'm gonna be sad without you
Cuz my life is all about you
The ocean stole you from me in its waves

But I'm gonna move on to live now
Forget about you somehow
Cuz everything I'd hoped for is gone to waste

And the sun is setting
Out on the horizon
And over it I try to paint to your face

But my eyes are cloudy
And all I know is how much I
Long for you but I can't have your embrace
I long for you but I just can't find your face

It's gonna be a long long night to get through
A long long time to find you
A long long list of memories I'll write down to forget
these
Times I feel mistaken
because you only leave my heart aching
Look how wrong I was
I gave you all my trust
And now there's no more us
I'm leaving when I find my feet again

Today I went to where you used to get me
I'd love you if you'd just let me
Swim inside that ocean to get you back

Cuz I'm tired of waiting
And if it comes to nothing
Then it's pointless staying here I'm going back

Cuz I've fought for so long
And it's me you turn your back on
I fought for a chance to stay in your embrace

But it seems like it's worth none
Somethin' I don wanna have to think on
So over it I try and erase your face
I said over it I try and erase your face

--

I really like her voice a lot. It's really a nice song.
I want to goooooooooooo out. I want to buy new clothes!
okay bye.

It's sad but it's true.

2008-05-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

WTF YES YAY COOL YAY YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess what guess what, it's END OF MID-YEARS.
Okay I'm just trying very very hard to hide my extreme fear of doing very badly for it.
Like oh wells, it's all done and over.. no point complaining about how badly I would fair since it was my choice of studying last minute and giving up.
I'm all ears for hardcore scolding and nagging. I'm ready for whatever punishment that awaits me (ya la including kneeling in front of the altar for 1 day.. ok lame my house now no altar already haha!).

Yesterday it rained. CHEEEERS. (I mean chia-s)
Yesterday was the last paper. CHEEERS.

Went home and dived right into my bed for 2 hours before heading to E-hub with Kj to meet Nic, Sue, Sean, Mandeep and Eddie. Watched Vegas. I like. hehe.

Nic and I went to join Supersix to drink at ~~Brontor Park with the flickering lights~~ I mean in front of Hisshou.
Then to Nic's place to celebrate Nic's mom's birthday :)
Happy Birthday Auntie!

Had lots of fun with nic! It's been how many months since I last hang out with my girlfriend late at night doing the stupidest things but laughing out loud. (I miss you :/)
Really thanks a lot nic for the night, and thank your family for me. The yummyyy cake and sushi heh. And loved the late night heart to heart talk with you.
(Sounds so like my blog URL.)

It was so fun, it just reminds me of the stalker night.. That night was with Flinz.
Ah flinda get well soon, let's go out! the three of us :)

-Just married-

I LIKE THIS PICTURE! so candid, mwah laopo.

"Girls taking pictures? So dark?"
"9 triple don't know what-something-something , my number call me hehehe"
(Lol don't know why I kept laughing when I imagine that retard laughing like a witch.
Isn't there any normal guys around at nighttttt~ =.=)

Lol I even said "in the dark take nice what" when we walked pass him.
I was like trembling lah.. He look so freaky (yes just like the stalker day guy sheesh!)
"Where's mickey mouse 0.0?"

Auntie, hope you enjoyed your dayyyy :)
I love your cooking! And you're so fun!

--

I slept at 6 this morning lol.
I went to tamp to with Albert to meet his gf supposing to help her finish her ART.
But I guess she overslept, and poor Albert cycled all the way from our place by bike because there was no bus and he had no money for cab with an extra load - that's me for nothing :(

Seriously, where else to find a nicer guy than himmmmm?
I think Virgos are damn romantic and sweet (haha kj yes you yes you ;p).

I don't know but I guess yesterday I had lots of heart-to-heart talk. With Nic and Albert.
Maybe helping his gf do Art was an excuse, he looked like he had problems..
And I thought maybe I should just spend some time with him..
We used to be so close until I started coming home very late, waking up very late.. like we seldom see each other though we stay under the same roof.
I feel damn bad, sorry Albert. I promise to make muffins or cupcake or whatever you mentioned the other day. Promise no more procrastinating!

Maybe it's just so true that it's very difficult to get over someone, so difficult to forget someone completely but we can't be selfish. We can't treat care and concern from people for granted.
Thanks for listening Albert. Gah damn shiok now.

I like the feeling of being on the Haro bike with Albert, down the flyover slope~
Perhaps its not the memories now.. it's just the wonderful feeling of having the wind against your face like brushing away all your problems. And with your closest childhood playmate..
(ah reminds me of the fall with edwin on the big big bike!)
I miss Endang.

Albert is really a nice guy. To his gf : Please say that you wont ever breaks his hearts. (LOL inside joke)

I'm now at the highest peak of my life, with everyone I love loving me.
Don't ever push me down thanks.
Ah, good things come to an end But I like it when better things start rolling back in.

Kj, I'm sorry for times that I unknowingly think about the past.
I never thought things would turn out so sweet for us. It's been a long time since someone cared for me so much, and I really appreciate it a lot.
Thanks for little things you've done for me.
You know I love you :)

Ok goodbye, this post is getting a little toooooooo long.

P/S : Our anniversary is on the 11th April.
And two days later is our "monthsary" if there's such a thing.

Same old feeling.

2008-05-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

Would you rather have someone who would always let you win just to make you happy
Or
Someone who would always go against you and making sure he's the winner?

Is there even an answer to it? Maybe I'll choose the first answer. I don't mind people lying to me but they have to make sure that the lie is foolproof. I rather you lie to me once and nice, don't ever expose it than to know that you lied. This is the lousy mentality of a typical escapist.

As always, let's escape.
I realize the importance of SLEEEEEEEEEP.
Last minute work seriously bring you no where, best part is.. it only give you headaches and more headaches. I rushed through my ART prep work from yesterday afternoon (thankyou Gabriel for printing) all the way till this morning. Yeah I slept on the sofa for 20 mins shiokkkkk sia.

I was literally knocking my head against the table during the physics paper. I screwed it, how cool. 2 pages of crap and I almost wrote "bubblelation"(ya what the hell is that right =.= I am retarded) for one of the questions. This is how dumb I would get when I'm feeling sleepy and restless and BRAINLESS.

I dint know I would tremble when I paint =.=

Enough of what's over..........
What's coming up is biology paper2 and math paper2 tomorrow. PLEASE BURY ME ALIVE THANKS. I know ya I've always been getting F9 for biology..
But but .. :(
I really like that subject, it's so interesting :(
And for mathpaper2, I really have no idea what I can do about it already.
I'm sorry but I just woke up and I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm gonna faint if I continue looking at books and books. I need to sleep badly.
Time now is 8:02 PM, do I sleep at 4 or 5 AM today? Or totally fuck care exam?

WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
TWO MORE DAYS. TWO MORE DAYS. TWO MORE DAYS.
It just makes me feel more worried that I'll not do well, I've been trying so hard :(
I cannot take it anymore.

FUCK IT ALL.

For someone whose name ends with a line.

2008-05-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

Hazel says:
you want me to post anythANG FOR YA?
Madeline. says:
yes
Madeline. says:
:D
Madeline. says:
idk what but
Madeline. says:
JUST POST YOU LOVE ME ++++ A LOT OF SWEETTALKING C:

So yeah..

I LOVE YOU. ++++++++ I LOVE YOU ALOT. +++++++++ I LOVE YOU MANY MANNEHHHH.
So you know I love you, you're like the star in the sky.. the apple on the newton's tree.
I love you more than Stanley does (bet he's cursing me like hardcore now).
ok ok ok ok ok go study!
JIAYOUUUUUUUUU!

Study Revise Study Revise

2008-05-04T22:50:00.002+08:00

Hi Albert says that I'M TYPICAL (lianssss) :(

WTF, please lor. I don't put extra colors under my eye and fucking red blusher or have any ~~shit doggie hairstyles~~ weird-looking hairstyles. And most important of all, I think my color sense is pretty fine (not saying that theirs isn't but just not my style)? I don't wear bright yellow with red or whatever making me look like ronald mcdonalds? And I don't wear bright blue skinnies? And my mom thinks that it looks like what the grandchildren would wear for the funeral lol(!).

Okay sorry no offence. I know its your style.

Yesterday was freaking ~~cool~~ weird, Kj and I took the last bus to (secretplace) that is damn isolated and took the first bus back home.
(And whatever we did wasn't stupid :D)
I just had to record this..

I slept at 8 AM after Edgar finished singing his stupid too late to apologize song and his usual bragging of how hot and handsome he is.. etc etc.

I woke up around 2 to 3 plus today, studying chemistry and physics like hardcore :D
(yeahright)
I dint even do my ART lor..
But I did some productive studying at the Airport with Edwin toadie fat boy, Khein and his friend - Afiq. Haha, Edwin's study span is only 30 mins :(
It was so fun hanging out with them. And of course my very childish immature brother kept becoming the joke of the day. (Never thought he would enjoy playing the escalator and travellator =.=)

Dinner at Popeyes was pretty great.

And we certainly took lots of pictures hehe :)

Look at Khein haha. (Edwin was dancing)

Edwin is very amusing..

Havoc on the train heh.. (They sure can dance.. lol!)

Bye.

P/S : I love you :) All the best for your very zai chem+physics paper and Dnt.

The end of fear is where we begin, the moment we decided to let love in.

2008-05-03T17:43:00.002+08:00

Hi mom, I've been a bad girl. I've been out till 5AM in the morning while you weren't around.
I've been a bad and lazy girl, I slept to 3PM today. I haven't done my ART work and I haven't done my revision for monday's exam.

I watched Nim's Island with kj last night.

And now I'm going off bye.

P/S : I'm loving you more each day, and I won't regret. Please don't ever let me go.

I need you to know.

2008-05-02T07:28:00.002+08:00

What to doooooooooooooooo?

Yesterday was so happening that I still couldn't believe that I just passed yesterday with a happy ending. (right?)

I woke up with a very confused mind, I had completely no mood to even touch my books.
And seriously, the sight of books now just gives me headache.
In 3 hours time, I'll be sitting for emath paper1, how? I've got no idea.
Well, since I've flunked the papers before this.. another won't really make a difference.

Khein and bwong came over to my place, and zul acted as jingguo to cheat me.
Ok, I mean to lend mathematical set =.=

DTE.

It could be a place of a whole new lovely beginning, but why do ugly people still linger in my heart..
I can't believe how many assholes I saw walking past me waving smiling like nothing ever happened.
It's like one after another, having to smile at all these ugly "strangers" and act like I'm moving on very well though they had hurt me badly. (Or maybe I've really moved on with a pair of very warm hands pulling me along.)

It had been so awkward.. I never faced a situation like this in my entire life. I'm sorry but I've decided to cut all ties from the people I met last december.
I've deleted your number, your msn and everything else I could possibly think of.
If I ever had a chance to make up for any regrets of my life, this would fucking be the first.

Gayjosh cabbed all the way down to DTE to meet Flinz. (I know this feeling damn shiok, though it's just for a while.. )

I wasn't in the right mind to study yesterday. Tears filled all of our eyes. (all because of different reasons.)
But I'm glad things are cleared.

--

Every day, I'd laugh the hours away just knowing you were thinking of me..
And then it came that I was put to blame for every story told about me.
I'm sorry for giving you headache over and over again though I've never meant every single mean word I said. I didn't really want you to regret. You're my sweetest drug.
I know it's tough to tolerate an unreasonable girlfriend like me and at the same time study real hard for your exams.
I'm sorry I'm not understanding enough to fit the place of being gentle and caring.
But just for you, I'll learn not to be stubborn and selfish.
I will wipe off all secrets that are keeping a wall between you and me.
Thank you for not letting go of my hand, you made my heart grow fonder.
Don't ever walk out of my life. I love you, Kj.

Aimless walks.

2008-05-01T01:20:00.003+08:00

Have you ever spent your time walking aimlessly all by yourself and then end up at some random place that you never expect yourself to be?
Forgive me my heart for playing the role of a retard, numbing you with all the aimless walks.

Have you ever had a time when tears really didn't matter much and and it just flows out of your eyes without you realizing it?
As in even when your life is amazingly nice and perfect (or as it may seem so), you just teared and the best part is.. you're not even upset..

So today was really very random.
5-hours-straight math tuition was so damn cool please. The atmosphere was freaking cold though I was sweating like mad after walking a long way from my house to Jasmine's house under the bloody scorching hot hot burning sun.

After which, ngoh ai ling came over to my place to play mahjong. Okay kidding, to take my wallet to pay tuition fees. Thank you ngoh ai ling for everything today. (&I'msorrytoo)

Then we went over to block 512 and got lost in some deserted garden-forest-park-whatever that is infested with unknown insects, bats and snakes (according to fish).
When we finally came out of that freaking digusting place, 2 black figures started approaching us.. They came nearer and nearer making my heartbeat go faster and faster..
And then, .. ok it was kj and unknown person.

We cabbed over to DTE.

--

Why do we always have to lose one thing before realizing that you have to treasure it?
Fuck it seriously, how many times have I lived to regret the wrong steps I take?
It may not seem a great deal, but think about how much hurt I've brought to my fragile little heart.

They say, even when your hope is gone.. move along move along move along..

I have no idea what's wrong with mind. Everything seem so complex to comprehend.
The answer you once had that you were so sure of, came crashing down instantly giving you no time to react.

Why do things always turn sour just as when it was at its highest peak supposingly to be the sweetest.

Why do humans compare? Why am I living in my fucking past?
Why the hell am I letting my lame emotions affect me and the people around me?

Why is it that I've to walk back to the steps, stone by the road and think about it over and over again?
Asking myself, have been asking myself.. "what the fuck is wrong with you.. what's your problem? what is it that you want so badly so badly but you could never get?"

Good times don't last, or is it just me?

I hate it when people try their best to tolerate my nonsense then secretly feel pissed off with me.

If you think that you're the meanest person in the whole wide world, please don't.
Nobody can be meaner than me in anyway..

I'm just living a lie, we're just living a lie. Come to think of it, it's just so true that I've been finding excuses all the time. When I'm upset, I escape.
When I'm afraid, I lie.
I think I can be considered as someone with the lousiest personality.

I've changed.
I'm always changing. I seem to be a different person in front of every fucking person I meet.
Of course, I'm aware about this shit.
But wait, I don't even know what the real me is like..
How to be me when I don't even know what I am like?

This is tough.

I guess I'm alright. It's just something wrong in my mind.
I just need an answer to my ridiculous question that I doubt anyone could answer to that.

I'm sorry if I've changed for the worse. I'm sorry if I'm not the the genuine me.
I'm sorry if I'm the reason to why your life sucks.

Lie lie lie. I lie. I lie. And I lie.
I really don't want to lie anymore..
I don't want to make up a lie to cover up my first lie.
When would I ever learn..
2 years ago, mnym told me that it's wrong to betray others' trust. He told me, it hurts to know that someone you care for lied.
2 years ago, he ignored me for months for lying.
2 years ago, he gave me a chance and I took it for granted.

Why do I always end up hurting the ones I love?

Do I miss the past? I have no idea.

I'm thinking too much.
Yes, I know you're 1 of the 43 unknown people who reads my blog.
And I know you're wondering what the fuck am I blogging about.
Keep on wondering, I might jus forget all about it tomorrow.
(If you know me, you should know I change everyday and forget everything in a day.)

Nights.

P/S : I guess I'm just too tired. Tired of everything. I'll be just fine after a good night's sleep.

Said forever said forever said foreverrrr.

2008-04-30T14:43:00.002+08:00

I was late today.

My maid asked me what time do I have to go school today and I said 7:25 AM.
I thought she'll know that it's the normal school time and then wake me up like at 6 AM or something but instead, she woke up up at 7:25 AM.
After dilly-dallying, I woke up to wash up at 7:30 AM and I happily thought it was just 6:30 AM and thought I could have breakfast today =.=

My maid even said something like "Now 7:30 ONLY, you want to eat what for breakfast?"

My immediate reaction was to grab a towel and shower.

I was lucky I was just in time to take the social studies paper. (Why isn't it at 10 AM? sheeeeeesh)
Mdm Riah called my house and my mom called me when I was outside the hall.
Nice scolding just before my exam. To think that she thought I played truant? =.=
Ahem.. just because dad used to do that to skip exams, doesn't mean his children would follow suit. Lol ok no link.

I.. screwed my papers AGAIN.
All the best for the rest of the papersssss!

I'm sorry Kj for spoiling the mood. *pouches lips like you always do*
Thanks for sending me home though you're already very tired and have to go back to school at 1 PM. :)

Okay flinda fish called and ask me to leave for tuition and so bye.

--

If you listen to someone reminisce about the past today, don't be surprised if you get an urge to follow suit. Your mind will wander back to the person you used to be (wtf?), and you will naturally compare that person to who you are now. The rose-colored lens of nostalgia might make you miss the life you used to have, but after closer inspection you should come to the conclusion that there is no other place where you would rather be than right here. It's a good feeling (is it?).

Hmm.. awwww... ?

Let it go let it go let it go.

2008-04-29T22:39:00.003+08:00

When I say it thrice, somehow I'm serious about it.
Like I've said before, I dislike that drink. I dislike the golden words written on the cover of the drink. I dislike the sweet sweet taste. I dislike the bottle. I dislike the name of the drink. I dislike every single thing about that drink.

To think that I was like a retard, staring at it for 10 seconds. Or maybe longer..

--

So I took both Chinese paper 2 and 3 today. I would say, the close passage is tough :/
I don't know why but yuanlaoshi's worksheets, tests and everything else that he sets are damn meaningful and most of the time applies to what's happening in my life.
I suddenly remember seeing him cutting his hair at e-leeahs mall yesterday. He looked just like an angel in the heavens. Lol, ok maybe cuz he was wearing white and the place was completely white. I couldn't help but call out his name and laugh non-stop. Sometimes.. my imagination bring me very far~

Flinz, nic and I were laughing like hardcore. tsk.

I spent my afternoon talking to 2 very important people I've met in my life.

Thank you Kj.

Nights.
(It's tough. I have no idea what to do now.)

Never the right time.

2008-04-29T07:24:00.002+08:00

I guess I just screwed up both papers I took yesterday.
It was fucking hilarious, I was trembling in the hall and I almost dropped the papers when I'm handing it to the teacher.
English paper was really tricky and I'm those most-likely-to-be-tricked kind of girls.
Lit was pretty fine but you know I'm such an idiot, I got so lazy in the midst of the paper and I totally gave up zzz.

Okay enough for what's done.

I really really really really really really want to get an A1 for Chinese!
So, all the best Hazel!!!

Yesterday I finally got my Social studies textbook 4 after 4 long months. (say wow.)
Usual dental appointment at Elias Mall (haha reminds me of that guy who asked how to go to elias as in e-leeas road.) but with company this time :)
I don't like e-leeas. I don't like elias. I don't like elias. Bad memories. Bad bad memories.
(Ok i only like flinda's house and the dental clinic.)
Flinz and nic were so damn sweet to wait for me before heading to DTE to study with Kj.
I love my laopos. (yeah-i-know-ya-know)

I think I'm really obsessed with you already. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
I don't want to end up being freaky possessive and just plain scary.
But, 2 days of not seeing really made my heart grow fonder. I just wanted to hug you so tightly.
Lol, don't feel bad anymore.. You know I love you :)

Sorry I know I'm being retarded but I just woke up automatically this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep so I thought of blogging..
And guess what, I'm sleepy now..
I'm going back to sleep.
Bye. (All the best for the coming papers :D)

Note by the window.

2008-04-26T21:00:00.002+08:00

I changed the theme for my o levels art AGAIN. Shit, I think I'm dead. I'm still unsure of what the hell I'm doing! :(
I wish this time this idea would work out. It better be!

I seriously need to sleep badly!!!

Yesterday was all about studying! Right after the chinese workshop (I really wish I would get A1. haha it's very nice to hear her say I can write well. The winning formula to writing good essays = watch more K / J drama :D) , I went to attend extra lit lesson with ngoh ai ling. I still haven't finish reading mocking bird, slap me pleaseee.
I feel like I'm really studying yesterday at DTE with kj,nic, tiara and flinz. (Haha we even called miss chan to ask her about the diuretic effects of tea.)

Yesterday was a beautiful night with stars and the moon in the sky. I enjoyed every moment spent with you ~~, even though (it's painful)~~. Thanks for all the time you tolerated my unreasonable acts :) I only play "pretense" to the people I love ;P
Sarang Hae Yo ♥

Biology extra lesson this morning. I hate it when I can't wake up despite morning calls from everyone :/ (It's damn embarrassing to let them hear my stupid voice in the morning, very retarded.) Oh and my maid even laughed at me.. (She told me I was talking in my sleep wtf?)
I'm too tired lah haha.

I went back home and slept for 4 hours and was late for tuition lol!

It was pretty productive though I've forgotten almost everything taught!
Not enough time already oh no oh no! Haha reminds me "what happened? 0.0" guy lol.

Tution @ 12 tmr. Note to self : Please do not be late you nut.
(Sweet people would wake me up at 11 hehe. *hinthint*)

Goodbye.

Kiss in the rain.

2008-04-24T19:06:00.003+08:00

I suddenly miss cruise alot. It's all Wilson's fault.
No, actually I miss Malaysia more. As in the time when Endang haven't went back, and we went on a night trip to look at stars. Kampong life is somewhat shiok. lol.
And I fucking miss the food there, I'm such a glutton. (But you guys would still love me right ;P)

I love Halls and Ben&Jerry's BUT I love kj more :)
Why must I go back so early :( Why must there be dinner tonight :(
Lol.

I'm fucking tired and I'm going out now sheesh.
Bye.

P/S : Nic is so happy today cause .. ~~i gave her a kiss~~ .. .. ;p
Oh and Flinda is mad.

Out of sight.

2008-04-23T17:59:00.002+08:00

Headaches.

Get well soon peopleeeeeee! Sleep early tonight.

I almost cried when I know that I got freaking 1/15 for physics test. Ok maybe yes that day I was having fever etc etc, but then who the fuck would make such stupid careless lame mistake!
I actually wrote A as c/s for current =.=
THIS IS SO LAME LAH OMG. And the batteries looks distorted. Seriously. Now I understand why is it a pathetic one mark. I got 1 mark for drawing the diagram correctly though it's crooked and stupid.. I was dozing off during the test haha!

I wish I would be alive and happy during Mid-years, it's amazing how your body coordinates with your brain. ~So lift me up before I hit the ground~

Everyday seems to be so tiring and stressful, I feel like changing my idea and question for ART 'O' levels! Why are the questions so.. :(
There's math tuition at 7:30 PM later which is a good thing :) Time to brush up!!!

We made a mean joke to Flinz because we don't know how serious the problem would be hehe ;)

--

How is it like to kiss in the middle of the road, have you tried? :)
haha this is random but yeah bye.

Strength that keeps me walking.

2008-04-22T15:21:00.002+08:00

I was shocked. I was very shocked when I logged on to friendster.
I'm shocked by something I saw obviously, but unfortunately it's not appropriate to blog about it.
I must be mindful of those interested eyes, they like to comment. They love to gossip.

Lol, I just felt like typing a lot. Actually the whole paragraph is about one small little thing.

All I wanted to say was, whatever happens to me now and whatever I'm doing..
I've never once forgotten you and your presence though I often deny. I'll remember you, the sweet-bitter memories. Remembering doesn't necessarily have to be awful and it doesn't mean that I want it back. I'm contented, very contented with the life I'm leading now.. I get all the love and attention from my sugar and I get motivated by all my encouraging friends to work harder for O's this year.
It's sort of like a fresh start, a better one obviously.
(hi I got a strong feeling someone from somewhere is trying to guess who I'm talking about but haha happy guessing :P)

No I must blog about this no matter what if not I cannot sleep tonight. (Nah, just kidding)
I can't believe dad&mom woke up like freaking early in the morning to...
WASH THE FISH TANK?! Wtf.
They almost made me late for school for occupying both the toilets sheesh.
But dad made up for it by driving me to school in 5 minutes :D

Everyone was feeling tired in school today. I slept almost everywhere I went to. (Esp. during pe lesson and english lesson but.. i never drool lor anyhow say!)
Get well soon, Nicole. Tiara. And Athirah. And (Flinda) Why neeeeeever come to school?!

I'm someone who is very very very selfish. I love all the attention focused on me only and I'm not going to deny it. And seriously, who doesn't like be treated as everything?
The feeling of having morning calls from someone who stayed up all night just to make sure you won't be late..
The feeling of having someone cabbing all the way to under your block just because you said "I miss you"..(Sorry for bringing it up again. Wait I'm apologizing to myself.)
The feeling of having someone looking you up from somewhere that's far away from where you are just to check if you're alright..
The feeling of having someone chasing after you and tolerating your nonsense..
The feeling of having someone saying the magical words that'll melt your heart..
The feeling of being cared for in many other different ways.. isn't it just wonderful?

I dedicate this song to the someone I love, you should know who you are :)

And after the wordy paragraphs..
Happy Birthday Miss Chan. My favorite teacher.
Happy Birthday Shamira. Haha my lover.

Goodbye.. :)

P/s : I wish your life is great too, just like mine :)

Look at me.

2008-04-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

Look at me.

Angels.

I'm so into korean songs after watching my love, billie jean. (trust me, the songs are damn nice!)
And the surprising thing is that I haven't even finish the show! I'm still at episode 8? LOL!
Today's paper was .. ~
One word essay, games. The first thing that came to my mind was KRTC. lameeeeeeeee~

And chinese was crap.

My leg cramp ah bye.
Okay I know it's very link-less but ya byeeeee.
Goodnight ;)

Nothing or Everything.

2008-04-21T18:46:00.003+08:00

My weekend was spent meaningfully.
Saturday was a day out with Kj to Vivocity. We caught a movie, Midnight Eagles.
It's a pretty nice movie :)

On Sunday, I was an idiot.
Sunday tuition was postponed to Wednesday. And I didn't meet up with Khein for English tuition :( No gym also. lol. (I thought we were supposed to go swimming on Sunday, but no I can't swim anymore..)
It was a pretty nice time shopping again with Madeline :)
AWWW (guess what I save your contact as now.. you can never imagine lol!)
I really felt damn good updating her about every single shit in my life, I miss those long long talks.. through the long long train ride.
And it's been a long long time..

And I suppose, many people (ok yes maybe maybe just you) are interested in how we're progressing and why the hell we quarreled and stuff..
Hi, we quarrel because we're not happy with each other?
Who the hell says that bestfriends don't have bad moments together?!
So, move aside and stop being a busybody causing so much hurt and awkwardness to my bestest bestest friend. Arigato.

Madeline bought a freaking chio hang-over bag :)
I wanted to buy a dress, a watch and a schoolbag but.. Yeah.. (Actually bikinis too D:)
I wanted to buy a new set of bikini to wear for the next time we go to cruise! lol.
I miss Ethan and his sister like bloody shit, it's been like 6 months? (ok go guess who Ethan is :P)
It all started with the weird encounter at the library lol!

Sunday afternoon, I cracked a F9 joke right after Kj cracked a B3 joke.
It sort of became real soon after and I felt so awful. This is how amazing life is, ~we end up hurting the ones we.. really love.
I can never find someone who is as tolerant as you...
(And actually, I gave you an A1 in my heart already.)

I miss Wendehs! I doubt you're reading this :(
It's been a long long long long time since we last met. Right?
Oh ya the last time was during grandfather's brother's 80th birthday.. right?
I miss you miss miss you! I wanna go out with you again!!!

Wtf, I'm missing everyone single soul in this world.
When you seem to be the happiest person ever, you tend to take things for granted and wish for more.
I'm at fault for being so childish and lame and whatever, I know you would forget about it and still love me like before right! :)

Gooodbye, off to Nic's place.

My heart is for you.

2008-04-19T01:06:00.002+08:00

Tonight is the night of love ;
Forever and ever is never enough.
Together forever I can't get enough.

Your understanding is what brought us this far
Never demanding although you gave your heart
You made it easy baby for me to reveal all the love i have inside
Just how I really feel
So many lovers
And yeah I've had big fun
But none of the others took my heart
My playing days are done cause I'm ready baby
I never been this sure
You are the one I adore I'm gonna love you more starting tonight

--

Though this is fast, and you all think I'm so what-what-what~ I don't care :)

I got a feeling, he's the only guy I would dare to bring to my mom and dad someday.
I don't know why but this few days, I've been trying to hint to my dad (of course my dad, he's way more understanding and he dotes on me alot :P)..
He is the first guy, I don't feel like keeping a secret.. cause I'm afraid, afraid to lose him like what happened back then. I don't want mom to find out before I tell her.. But I have no idea how to bring it across to them.. I know they'll forbid, and try all ways to break us up but I..

Together we'll make it through, somehow. (Right?)

Friday. (I remember what happened last week.. hehe)
I was just on time.
Did you know? (lol) We're having our mid-year paper on Monday!
Kj came to school for mother tongue and he sent me home. :)
(Sorry for not finishing up the bread, it's too hard for me to bite lol)

We went to meet the hardworking people who were busy studying at bk after we prepared.
(I brought my bio tb and notebook for.. what uh? lol)

Kj went for my ex-neighbor's birthday bbq while nic, flinz and i went to ~~east~~ west ~~mall~~ plaza to have ~~dinner~~ supper. And I saw MJC guy haha damn rude never say hi!
Kj sent me home after that and he was tipsy. This is the sweetest thing a guy can do for you, sending you home even though he's tired and tipsy. I wished I lived at the 12th floor..
I never enjoy lift rides that much, until I met you.

And about the thing you asked me on the bus..
No matter how well my ex-es treated me in the past, it's the past. Don't think about it, and I won't stay in the past. I love you and that's that, you're the best guy in my heart.
I'm sure it'll go on more than 10 days.. more than 1 month.. more than 20 days.. more than.. more than.. (right?)

Tomorrow will be a better day :)

Nic laopo, I love you like hardcore kay. haha. I've told you everything I wanna tell you already.
Yeah, I'll be there to support every decision you're gna make :D
And flinz laopo, letter A.. meet him and choose. I don't want to be a mean friend by making a fan club for letter G. You choose yourself :) I love you guysss! And Tiara, shiok only uh haha.

Madeline, Sunday is coming :)

Goodbye.

P.S : Would you all be smiling in your sleep tonight? :)

Stab my heart for the second time.

2008-04-17T17:59:00.002+08:00

Sorry for not telling you earlier, though it just happened a few days ago.
Sorry for breaking my promises of looking you guys up.
Sorry for appearing attached for a second time.
Sorry for making you wait.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know you had been talking about me all the time and waiting for me all this while.
I'm so sorry I like someone else after healing for 2 months.
Thank you for all the times you waited for me after work and sent me home with dinner.
Shit, I don't know what to say to you but.. All the best for your N levels. (This is so lame =.=)

--

Sheesh, I don't like to feel bad.

Madeline, read my letter. I miss you.

--

What the hell is wrong with the second part of the day.
Look, people like being random I don't care because I'm always random. But thing is, don't pop up out of nowhere making me feel like a sinner.

Right now, I'm blinded by all the sweetest things my friends and kj did for me.
I'm so sorry if I'm unable to feel your pain.

So anyways, I was late for school today. It was all yintong's fault for cursing me!
He called me up at 7:10 am and said "eh i think i going to late alrdy, late with me leh~ you still got how many dc?"..
And in the end, he was just on time and I was late! lol! This is the funniest thing because I replied "aiya i sureeeeeeee won't late one. I no more dc liao."

I walked to school with kj today (Yes yintong i walked with a guy sheesh) reading my physics notes madly because I got a feeling it'll be damn difficult. And yes. Okay maybe not difficult, just not familiar~ Like what MrLBH said.

And I slept during ss test. woohoo, another test down. Mr teo "don't give up, you still got 15 mins" *after looking at my paper* "wow you finish already that's fast"
because i anyhow scribble! I don't like ss, I will fall asleep whenever I see the wordy paragraphs.

Fisherman and I were looking at the floor during math lessons. Ms chung always embarrass me in class!
I remember saying "I never laugh" loudly when I was giggling away~ :/
And she said "I also never say you laugh, why you self-confess?"
LOL. Math lesson was surprisingly funny today haha.

Kj sent me home today and saw Kh and Joey (or ok they waited for me since they were slacking around my area?).
Kj, get well soon!!! :)

Goodbye.

Will you still love me tomorrow?

2008-04-16T20:48:00.004+08:00

I'm afraid my life is starting to revolve around him only.. I'm in love.

Sweet people makes my day.
Easily contented Hazel is smiling so widely today despite those awful cramps and ..
Ugly red spots and ugly rough lips. I look so flushed today.
(Okay I went to the doc ytd, and he said I can't kiss for a week lol.
Lol it was some shit infection. Thank you awful insects. Thank you weak immune system. Thank you sensitive skin.)

I never thought cramps could be so painful! I mean, I do have cramps but not to such an extent that I'm perspiring like hell even under the fan.

I'm so touched today. So so so so so so so so so so soooooooo touched today.
Kj, thank you. I love you :)
nic, flinz, tiara, shamira, munirah, zhijie, fabian.. and and and everyone else that asked if i'm okay.. Thanks alot. I'm better now :)
Lol I was taken aback when Ms chung asked me if I'm feeling well. *ahem*
Thank you madeline, for the messages and letters.

I'm sure I flunked my chinese test. I was feeling so awful that I anyhow scribbled some words on the paper and fell right asleep on the table. (lol)

I have no idea why I always crave for m&ms when I'm having cramps. (I DON'T LIKE THE ONE WITH NUTS. Super don't like. The yellow one. I like brown and blue ones only. hehe.)
I love nic and flinz, thank youuuuuuuuuuu so much AND TIARA (I won't forget you bought me choc! You're forever so sweet babe.).

In all, I feel so touched and loved and you know everything-nice today.

Damnit! I just realized I haven't buy my ss tb! haha! Tomorrow there is ss and physics test.
awwwwwwwwwwwww, why must i go through tests when i'm in shitty pain :(
Legendary book, please grant me an A1 if I read you thoroughly tonight.
Magical notes, please grant me an A1 too if I do the revision exercise carefully tonight.

Goodbye.

P/s : It's all about you~

Kiss me~

2008-04-15T18:56:00.003+08:00

Hi.

My previous post was crap. Just like me. I read it for the second time and thought it was really crap. I blog about almost every single thing that comes to my mind so yeah, you can choose to not read.

Anyways, my plan of closing the blog..
HAHAHA NO WAY.
I won't change my URL either. On second thought, I don't think there's anything to hide :)

2.4 almost killed me today. I'm still recovering from Sunday extreme workout lol.
They say you'll only feel the pain like 1 or 2 days after working out..
So I guess that's what happened to me..
Since Saturday, I feel like puking out almost everything that goes into my mouth and those freaking headaches are back. eew.

I even imagined myself fainting while running halfway =.=
(I even laughed to myself when I was feeling breathless. Mr David even said : wah still can smile means can run faster. LOL!)

And I'm not even planning to slim down.. I mean though I wish I was 4 kg lighter.
It sucks to have delicious food placed right in front of you, but you just have no appetite to eat them. Like right now. Mom cooked nice dinner and there's even soup. But.. :(

I was practically falling asleep during every single lesson! Esp chem and math?
After school, Nic flinz tiara and I went to BK for lunch and studied at Mccafe.
I have 2 freaking funny videos in my phone :D (esp the kissing video hehe)

I'm so tired. I will sleep early today :)

I'm not even angry (lol). Okay I thought about it for a while and felt that I was so weird and crazy (for wanting to act like i'm petty and angry).
I kept telling myself to "NOT COMPARE NOT COMPARE NOT COMPARE" but I still did in the end. I feel so bad. So bad that I don't know what else I can do already.
But it's natural righttt, everyone would sometimes accidentally compare. But afterall, he's still the best in my heart :) The sweetest sugar.

I'm getting pissed off over the smallest thing. Maybe it's the weather.
It was freaking hot in the afternoon and it just irritated me.

And now it's raining.. yay.

I said I could do it, I promised you all that I would do it, I told myself that I could do it..
But I couldn't bring myself to do it in the end. Because he's such a sweet guy.
I always act like nothing would affect me and I'm fine with everything. I hate my sucky personality.
I miss him so much.

Goodbye.

P.S : WHY AM I SO GIRLY TODAY?! To hell with my thinking trap.
L.O.V.E , I'm going to reply. I can't take it anymore it's so funny lol. I love KJ.

Closed doors.

2008-04-14T20:22:00.005+08:00

Credits: Fisherman.
I look so weird, so sad.. (maybe i was..)

My whole body is aching like mad. I went to work out with Khein and Edwin yesterday at tamp.
And met Kj for dinner ♥

--

My emotions are in a mess.

Monday morning..
Woke up at 6 AM, slept at 3 AM rushing maths (which i gave up in the end cause eyes don't want to open lol).
Met up with flinz to have breakfast at mac.
Rushed to school and morning assembly was fucking hilarious.

Recess, was all about~
hehe thanks for the drink :)

Ok skip everything to english lesson. Joshua stole my lemon barley and hid in his bag! He made me search under my table (including throwing all books around), my bag (pouring everything out), the floor and everywhere else like retarded. And, he place it on siti's table and said "eh boss siti take your lemon barley!"

LOL, .. a bit over-reacting. I almost cried haha.

Went for Dc after school with flinz and we chatted like nobody's business.
I bet the 2 lower sec boys were eavesdropping!
I bought a lousy sharpener that costs one dollar. The one I bought that was 50 c was way better!

I've not laughed so loudly and happily for a long long time already. Thanks a lot flinz, thanks for hearing me out. hehe, thanks tiara too :) I love you guys.

--

I always feel that when things are good, it'll just get better. And when things are bad, it'll just get worser. I'm falling into my thinking trap again.
2 months ago, I thought I was the happiest person on Earth. I have the bestest friends you can ever have. 2 months ago, he's mine and shine for me only. So did I. 2 months ago, everyone thought we were sort of the model couple and we would last. Nobody thought our relationship could be so fragile, unable to withstand those little barriers. It's just my mom, and it ended.
It took me 2 long months (or maybe I'm still not moving on) to totally forget him.
It's ridiculous to say that I've gotten over him. One month is a short period of time, but what if your one month is spent with only one person you like almost everyday?
What if all the things you all did together were unforgettable (I even have phobia buying things we bought together, and eating the sweets I used to love just because it's over.) . I never should have let him send me home, the benches and all just flash images on my mind. This feeling sucks like totally.

I told flinz that I really like him now. My heart would beat very fast and I would blush like hell.
But that doesn't mean memories could fade away so easily. Maybe he is a jerk yes I'm sure he is, but times were so great that I seem to see them when I close my eyes.
I'm feeling so bad. I'm feeling so tired. I'm stuck again.
I love him so much, I can't move on if my mind doesn't stop thinking. There's no way to stop this feeling? I thought, maybe time could heal or 2 months is too short?

When you have everything nice and sweet, you'll start to have the fear of losing..
I don't want this end, I don't want to go back to the beginning.

--

My mind is in a mess. I laughed so hard that I teared just now.
I smiled so much when I receive all those sweet messages. I bet everyone thought I was retarded today. But certain sounds, certain words and certain things just ruin it all away.
They're playing a trick on me, reminding me about something that would hurt me deep.

I'm not easy, I'm just trying to smile.
I'm trying real hard, don't push me to my lowest. I'm not a cheat.

I always thinking. I'm more sensitive and fragile than you think I am.
Throw away those remarks please.

Goodbye.

Tonight

2008-04-13T02:31:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up thanks to a call from Aurelea telling me something that I already knew.
SHOCKOFMYLIFE!
She made me feel guilty early in the morning, "why didn't you tell us bio lesson was cancelled..?"

I'm sorry.. but ya.. you know I was tired I was sleeping and I thought you all already knew since I'm often the last to know everytime hehe.

I think it's really fate. Sometimes when you feel like calling someone up and making things better, (as in after thinking for a long time and picking up all the courage in the world..) that someone you're looking for happens to be not at home.
I felt so disappointed after putting down the phone and sat on the sofa starring into blank space for like 10 mins. I guess my maid thought I was possessed, she even wave in front of me to make sure I'm alive.

But I swear I felt like I just died.

So anyways, went to meet up with Nic at WS to get necessary items for chemistry project.
Headed to DTE to meet up with "Flinda where you going I going out" and Tiara.
Saw Gelin, unknown person, and KJ there. Then deepman and kingston came along lol.

We went over to tamp mall to meet athirah while they went to catch a movie (super six?).
Haha, my legs went wobbly after walking so much..
Waited for KJ for a little while and he sent me home. hehe thanks :)

Maybe I'll love to drink coffee with sugar after today :)

Goodbye.

P/S : Watashi aishiteru ♥

Encounters

2008-04-12T01:12:00.002+08:00

Thank you Joshua for the picure.
I sort of 'edited' it, and I like the color of the leaves :D

Friday.
Happy or..?
I fell asleep during homeroom and forgot all about my testimonial form or whatever that is supposed to be handed in on Monday :(

I did something real funny today. Ok maybe it wasn't so funny but I laughed real hard.
I told Ms chung we forgot to bring our ties when we were sitting on the benches outside the hall since mdm hariati went for a course. she believed what I said and went "ohhh" when it was having lower sec assembly in the hall. LOL LOL! first time succeeding in making a joke on-the-spot :D

Okay, I'm like trembling now. It's freaking cold. No, it's the air-con.
No! Eh since when my living room got air-con.

Okay, I went to study with flinz and nic at burger king just now..
No we were supposed to do the chem project. Ya, and.
Saw Kj , then how wei, then sean the suhaida ya.. ok and everyone else including flinz's D guy.

A while ago I'm still typing this post like perfectly fine.. then..

Ya I don't know.
Okay, bye.

Because

2008-04-10T19:14:00.002+08:00

Korean dramas are so freaking nice.

Flowers for my life and My love, Bill Jean.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now, I feel so restless.
I don't even feel like going to school tonmorrow.

Wait, but today the helium balloon thing is freaking awesome. Damn funny.

Yes, I'm not feeling very normal.
The truth is so difficult to accept, this is karma.
They say don't pin you hopes too high, very true. I felt like we were friends for the wrong cause. Sorry seriously, make me feel so bad to like even smile at you now..

I so miss KRTC, those feelings of chiong-ing Audition.
Maybe it's almost the "last place" that "we" held hands .. and walked in the rain together. I miss him so much.

And everytime I face a setback, I think of how he used to console me.
There's no castles, knights nor princesses.
Such a loser.

Yes bye.

Time

2008-04-09T22:17:00.004+08:00

Thank you Khein for teaching me how to write brilliant essays! :D

I think the first line of the essay about Time was really beautiful..
"Time can be explained as an uncontrollable force that ironically controls your life."
The makings of an A1 student with the help of an A1 student, hehe. It's my goal for this year.

I admire his willpower to everything (though he sort of gave in, in the end. But he said sorry to me and I was damn touched.) and how loyal he could be to his friends.
Nice guy, even my dad and mom agrees ;)

I learnt 4 new words and 2 new quotes today :)

So, today was a LD.
(I remember talking to my best friend about this and we were laughing at it.. it isn't very funny but when with the right people, everything is just nice and cheery..)

So true, time and tide waits for no man.

I'm going to use his study techniques for biology.. And improve from my freaking F9 to B3 :D

Alright time for bed, goodnight.

Time heals all wounds.

2008-04-08T19:22:00.002+08:00

My title is an inside joke, yeah I'm right.

She's eating me now omg, kacang hazel. (Was on the phone with nic lol)

Today feels like Friday, somehow. Maybe because this is almost the first time that I've attended detention class on a Tuesday hehe.

I ran frantically to school all the way from the bus stop at the speed of light. (feels like my pri compo lol) But yeah, i don't know how else can I describe it.. Lack of vocab heh.
I think I really ran like damn fast, I placed my bag nicely on the ground just as when the bell rang! Nice!

To think that I was prepared for 2.4 KM, we missed it.
But PE was still sort of fun.. we were like bimbos! haha! Who does sit and reach on benches.. hmm.. oh and sit-ups.

I feel damn sorry for the fourth level cleaner :(

I'm blogging about everything that's exactly in my mind right now.

Uh ya omg I don't know what the hell I'm typing right now. I think I'm too happy. Or..
like trembling cause I'm feeling damn shy. I swear, please do not try to do anything on thurs!
I have no lilies for tmr :(

Okay bye this is such a nonsensical post.
AHHAHAHAHAHA SO HAPPY SHIOK. I SO LOVE MY HOROSCOPE TODAY.
I just got to know a coralite today ;) (guess who yourself)

OKAY OKAY BYEEE!

I, Me and Myself.

2008-04-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure, have you opened the door for me?
Are the keys right? Have I entered the right room? Are we there yet?
Would the light be shining brightly for us again?
I don't know, all I know is.. I miss you. Very Much.
Now, it seems like words only. I wonder if I could still do anything for you..

--

BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
I meant blush! ;P
Haha today is a pretty nice day, *AHEMS VERY LOUDLY*.
To think that someone middle-ed finger me like thrice today sheesh.

Haha, Monday.
Bites bread in mouth, put on shoes, run down and cabbed to school.
We had this ha-ha-ha-ha assembly about international friendship blablabla~
Math lesson, recalled many stuff. It was VERY useful!

Biology was super funnnnn, we went down to pluck flowers and sort of became center of attraction. Everyone from the third level(?) were looking down and wondering what the fuck we were doing lol!

I was practically dozing off during Mother tongue, mummy K-Drama.. tonight cannot take it liao!
I was trying real hard to pay attention cause 4/1's white board states how many days is there left to o levels mother tongue and I felt the sense of urgency :/
(It's stupid but.. ya you know I'm hazel hehe)

Went for a drink (as in guava juice lah) before heading to D.C (detention class, paiseh i not dc queen.. You then dc king lor).
I was doing my chem and math, sounds so hardworking!
And it was real funny in there, they even threw paper planes.. DEPRIVED. (sorry i not saying myself, ok maybe i was.. I even threw back and act like it wasn't me =.=)

Sushi for lunch. (And we met miss chan at WS, AGAIN. We always seem to bump into her, why.. 0.0?)

PRP to cycle. Now we know, 2 girls almost got raped there! haiyo.
It was pretty nice to cycle at the time of the day when the sky is so beautiful, and the trees.. basically everything there except for the things that flies (including crows!) and crawls around.
And poor nic fell like twice, haiyo get better darling.. (poor thing, i know how you feel D:)

*At a moment, I thought my phone couldn't msg or receieve msgs =.=*

Dinner @ KFC and home.

Today was very random. Today was very awkward. Today was very funny. Today was..

...

..

..

.

My mp3 played "Apology" just now and.. I just felt awful. Thanks to the riding, it just got better :)
We should cycle more often!

hehe bye, I'm confident for 2.4 km tmr :D
Wan An, WO YAO SHUI JIAO! WO HEN LEI HEN LEI HEN LEI!

We seem to be a thousand miles apart.

2008-04-06T16:46:00.002+08:00

I miss you just as much, or maybe more. I'm still not used to your absence, esp when I walk around the areas we've been to.. I can't comprehend what is going on even until now. It feels so awful, but there's no better solution. The reason why I stopped reaching out to you is mainly because, I suppose you have a very good friend by your side who supports you positively and perhaps is more sensitive than I am. Also, you have wonderful people by your side just like I do.. and I have no more confidence in standing beside you laughing at the littlest things.
We all know that we can't turn time around, though I wished all these never happened.
I still would regard you as my best friend, from then till now and way into the future (even if it means right now and in the coming future, our main source of contact is smiles and just smiles.)
It's not about the flaws, but perhaps I've carried it too far like you've said..
I miss you and everything we share. But, I don't think it's nice to pop right back into your life. I don't want more misunderstandings.. This is tough, everyone loves attention and you know I don't want to 'snatch' you away from anyone anymore.

It isn't as weak as it seems, at least we don't bear grudges? No, do you?
And at least, both of us still misses the past we once share..
I suppose it is still possible to turn the situation around, if..

--

I finally completed my ss homework which is by right due on 18th March!
And I'm halfway through for the physics assignment! *jumps about excitedly*
and in 45 minutes time, I would be off for physics tuition.

I can't stop eating! SHIT.

I miss weirdo very much, I wish you would go back to school soon :(

BYE, got to go prepare.

Definitely, Maybe.

2008-04-06T01:28:00.004+08:00

So tired.

I had math tuition with Flinz and Nic today. It was fucking hilarious when I saw Flinz running to the lift 'cause she needs the toilet urgently and the teacher happen to be not at home. LOL.
Thank you Nic laopo for buying breakfast for us, and I haven't return you the money!
Hope you cramps get better darling :)

Went home to prepare and all and met up with Jelly, fisherman and Flinz for some 'photoshoot' lol.
It was damn tiring, we sweat like hardcore and had fun with reddy and blackie ants =.=

I think it's the thing with insects today, I met a few on my way to tuition.. then on the bus to meet fisherman then at the town park.. uncountable!
The lady on the bus totally overreacted when she saw this tiny little bug that's smaller than my little finger! I feel like a hero when I took out my tissue and tried to remove the bug from the bus seat which in the end did not 'cause it was smart and moved away. That lady looks so brave, and yet she gave me a wow-you-took-out-a-tissue-and-you-are-not-scared-of-that-ENORMOUS-bug face! Never judge a book by its cover ;)

I will post the pics up as soon as fisherman and flinz sends them to me :)
Meanwhile..

Here are some pictures taken with my baby canon lol.

Joshua in action :D

Hi jelly ;)

My eyes are closed lol!

Lol this is so candid.

Flinz closed her eyes lol.

After the 'photoshoot', Alson BIGGGGGGGG BROTHER ~~BEAR~~ came over to BK to meet me and flinz. Sorry to keep you waiting :/
Walked around DTE and caught a movie at TM, Definitely, Maybe. It's a pretty nice show, I like the ending! (But someone appararently almost fall asleep in there, oh he's sick hehe)
Thanks for sending me home :)

I have pictures with him BUT I'm not supposed to post that up because,
I look ugly in them, he thinks that he don't look good in them AND he 'please'-d me not to post them up so yeah I promised him already.
Happy 'Birthday' in advance ;)

Sheesh. K-drama I'M COMINGGGGGGGGGGG bye ;)

Snow.

2008-04-04T16:43:00.003+08:00

Wow and it's 6 PM now!

I was sorting the things out in my mp3 just now and I saw pictures taken 2 years ago, last year and the beginning of this year.
And snow reminds me of everything. That's why my blog title.

My e-mail add used to be JUSTsnow-x@hotmail.com, do you guys remember?
Lol and the funniest one was snowgalz21@hotmail.com!

HAHA. It just reminds me of fun fun fun, funny.

Today I was feeling great? Not exactly, I didn't had any particular feelings actually.
We didn't have to take our Napfa test today for we had bio spa.
It was pretty easy, as long as you're extremely careful and FAST.
But the thing is............. I was somewhat careless, and I drew like 4 tables and took extra foolscap. I re-drew my graph for i-d-k how many times.
When I'm left with 29 secs, I haven't even answer the last question! But I sort of finished it in the end :/

I think I'm having tuition with flinz and nic later hehe.

Redbull doesn't give me wings, it makes me puke. I don't like the taste very much.

Haiya bye lah.

Creation's destruction.

2008-04-03T17:30:00.007+08:00

There was a time when stillness meant nothing to me
Once, silence meant lack of sound.
Enclosed, please find silence.
Black and Grey is to drown, when yesterday fades.
Every thing's shallow, we're chasing ourselves beneath a stone,
I am covered in make-up that won't wash away beneath a stone.
Beauty scar, powdered make-up, melting eyes, smile of bone.
I replaced the moon and the stars with candles.
We are all the same when everything fades.

I miss my long hair.. (*bites my hair and say "grow longer grow longer" I BELIEVE I BELIEVE I BELIEVE.*)
& I miss that 'tattoo' day..
(I'm still stuck, it's pretty obvious. Left hanging with nowhere to run.)

Life is tough, every casual remark/decision may turn it upside down.
You don't have to agree, but that's what happened to me.

Everyone may be dealing with their own form of stress and I see gloomy faces everywhere.
It doesn't make my day better, seriously :(
Behind those laughing, smiling and retarded actions, my heart feels so hurt.. so broken that I don't wish to hide and go on anymore..
(And though I know I'm not alone, there are still people who acknowledges my presence.
At times, I just think about it and wished I was a sweeter and nicer person.)

CME lesson seems to be directly tackling me today. My RBA (Relationship Bank Account) is a nice ZERO (though I happily wrote 3, 3, 4, and blank to deceieve myself).

Of course I'm aware O levels is approaching and I can't let such ~~minor(my ass)~~ problems affect me. And furthermore, it's something that happened weeks ago? Or to be exact, 2 weeks.

And other problems should have long been forgotten, like the one that happened 3 weeks ago..
I have been taking things for granted. But I swear I'll never ever forget that night. The fear of being found out, the smell of his sweat, the strong wind brushing across my face and the kind of security I felt with his presence.

I wish I could just close my eyes when I walk around my area or around the places we've been.
I hate to see images flashing across my mind reminding about how blissful life has been as compared to right now. Such an ugly mess to clear, and everything feels so unsettled.

Sorry, but I take a freaking long time to get over.
Sorry, I know I'm way too sentimental and emotional.

As I'm typing these, I realized not only my relationships are badly handled..

I am actually not coping well with my schoolwork.
It was so depressing to see VERY awful results in my report slip.

Biology was still the usual F9. Math and science probably improved by A BIT.
And my both my mother tongue and english had gotten a C6.
Yesterday I almost broke down in class when I received it, 'cause I've been putting in more effort than before.
Everyone tried to console me telling me it's just THE START.

It's not nice to start with F9s and C6s. Not nice.

Not only that, there are so many questions in the math tys that I can't do.
They say you reap what you sow, and this is what I get for not paying attention in the whole of sec3. Now I regret, there's so much more work to be done.

I'm blogging now instead of brushing up my math. I guess this is the only medium that allows me to let out all my suppressed emotions. If not, I'll breakdown and you'll see my lying in the coffin.

I'm so disappointed with myself.

I have no confidence already. No more.
(Push yourself push yourself push yourself..)

And I wish the post-its in my room "7As you're mine" aren't unrealistic.
At this point of time, I still wish that my future is really what I see when I closed my eyes that day in the auditorium.

Argh.

What's wrong with me.

I just had whatever snow pie and it's sweet. It's supposed to make me happier.
wtf. (Albert did you add the memory-poison in there?)
Maybe it did made me happier, and I guess I'm too tired.
I haven't been having enough sleep. I miss watching K dramas with daddy :(

Nice joke, I did laughed. And here's my smile :) I'm usually high and cheery, ~~but not~~ even now.

bb..

Bloooooosh.

2008-04-02T19:45:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I was April fooled. It's damn retarded.
I swear I thought Edwin was truly upset.
SHEEEEEEESH, this is the bad thing about having someone around you celebrating birthdays on April fool's.

My bag looks so plain. I don't like.

I don't like plain and simple things anymore, it feels so 2-years-ago-when-everything-is-still-so-nice. It feels so awkward to talk now, why? 'Cause I'm retarded. And, saying hi feels stupid now. Very.
Just as when I thought I'm totally forgotten, I see a message popping up.. Nice or..?

Everyone had a long day today,
get well soon shammy.

flinz and nic too.

And tiara.

I'm so sad and upset and depressed and unhappy and moody and whatever..
No, mdm monthly is not here yet.
I miss * a lot.
I miss miss miss.
It feels so weird, we don't see each other around anymore.
I just realized, when we don't look each other up.. we don't even see each other.
I believe in fate and I guess we don't have fate.
I'm still not used to it. It happened all so quickly, and guess we probably treats it as nothing anymore?
I wonder why I still feel this way.
Stuck. Stuck here with my weird emotions.
Lol "girls with their sick emotions.. be man like me", no wonder it feels like he's talking about me.

I'm not so girly after all,
hi I'm laughing.

Bye.

Love.

2008-04-01T22:10:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Edwin!
I don't know why but you don't really seem happy this year.
Maybe it's because this is the only year you didn't get what you wanted..
I feel so disheartened by the look of his face, somehow.

Nowadays, I am getting more and more sentimental and I wonder why.

We spent 100 bucks at a Jap restaurant to celebrate Edwin's birthday, the food was pretty good :)
Too bad Edgar missed it! I can't understand how is it possible for someone to sleep for freaking 15 hours or more? (Edgar missed several family dinners just because he was sleeping, lameeee!)

Just now I went to my horoscope at friendster :

Today will offer up several simple pleasures that will remind you how life can be quite delightful, sometimes! Strangers will be smiling at you everywhere you go, and you're going to have a wonderful time. Enjoy all of the little surprises that help create a lovely day. Keep an eye out for things like a nice parking spot right out front, the perfect cup of coffee, a dollar just lying there on the street, or a giant sale at one of your favorite stores.

This is probably the first time it turned out so accurate. haha.
The strangers part, maybe wasn't so wonderful actually.
I don't understand why, but I'm always the someone people would tackle for a 'dare'.
sheesh.

My eyes are shutting!
I slept like damn late last night.

Mother tongue oral was somewhat simple. I kept tripping over my words, and skipping words that I actually know accidentally! My vision was blur uh, sorry. lol.
Mr Yuan said I could read pretty well and getting a good mark wasn't tough cause I can read smoothly just that I have to pay attention to what I'm reading hahaha!
Flinz and I were the last to take the oral.
"Bei ya shi xu shui chi" I find it tricky to pronounce, right flinz! haha.
BO KE. My conversation with Mr Yuan was freaking funny!

Wan An.

Superabundance

2008-03-31T23:41:00.003+08:00

It's a pleasure to see you in pain at times for you've hurt me deep.
It's saddening to see you in pain at times for you've been there.

I'm sick.

Surprisingly, I wasn't late for school today!
(Oh maybe because I didn't had cheese toast today lol)
Tomorrow I won't be late for school.
I have so much work to complete today.
I feel like I'm going to collapse anytime soon.

Despite the piled up work, I accompanied my mom to century square to collect her phone that has been sent for repair.
I seriously hate banking in money and updating bankbook or whatever, it always gives me headaches. I don't know it's me or the machine or the bankbook.
It always happen to me, it's either the machine spoil.. I press wrong or the machine just won't accept the bankbook. Wtf right.

The best part is when there's a long queue behind you..

You would just feel like digging a hole and hiding in there forever, oh wait not forgetting to take away your bankbook FIRST.

And I swear Uncle is damn lazy of the world please. Can't he just get the freaking 2600 bucks from mom and bank it into his own account himself rather than having us to transfer this and that here and there... =.=

I was so pissed off that I kept cursing myself, no wonder nowadays so unlucky.
(Cuz I learnt that I shouldn't scold my mom or vent my anger on her.. SO I kept scolding myself.)

As I'm typing all these, I realized it's Edwin's birthday today wow.

Happy Birthday. Sorry I haven't got you anything.

Oh anyways, I bought a new hairdryer. It's pretty good, comes with the straightener and volume whatever for just $58.50.
And let's just forget about all the stress and unhappiness, I had Sakae Sushi for dinner just now. Shiok.
I love going out with mom, she always answer to my cravings.
(But she gets annoying when she keeps disturbing me =.=)

Am I really that blur? No.
Am I really that unlucky or ... suay? No.
Am I really that.. ? NO NO NO.
3 times means it's really NO.

Stress is good they say.
If you believe, then it's true. Well, I believe.
Now, I enjoy seeing the post-its on my wall.. All the formulas .. :D

Goodnight, I don't think I can get any sleep today.
Long day ahead.

Posting the Superteen pictures from Shammy's blog before leaving :D
(I'm slow I know.)

bb.

Luck.

2008-03-30T23:00:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was first tuition with flinz and nic.
It did help alot, there's so much to catch up!
I swear I've forgotten almost everything taught for the past 3 years!

Then to simei for flinz's facial and we walked around the whole of simei until nic's feet got cramps haha!
And blablabla~ Fell asleep the moment I reach home (on mom's bed somemore!) and woke up only around 11 am this morning.
Shit, I overslept.

I tried to rush through all my incomplete work, that includes art and all.
I only manage to search for 8 more reference pictures that are of not much help and complete one bloody layout :(
The night is not young already, and time for some hot milo. "Girl uh.. , go sleep liao.. later tmr late for sch again.. haiyo.." lol i can imagine nic talking to me at this time of the day sheesh.

So anyways with my incomplete work, I went to Mustafa with mom, dad and bert to get a new handphone for Darwati.
That place was freaking crowded and.. (youknowwhatitsmellslikeidon'twanttoberacist).
We had dinner at ahkun uncle's place and it was great.
Until.. I realize my phone is missing lol!

Speaking of luck.. I got it back.
Before heading to Mustafa, we went to dad's office at Balestier point.
We took a cab there, and that's the time I misplaced my phone hahahaha!
All the while, I thought I left my phone with mom.
Thank god there's this couple that picked up my phone in the cab.
They tried calling Edwin's phone but he was retarded! He thought I was playing a prank on him wtf and said he didn't know who was hazel? sheesh!

The couple waited for us at Pasir ris park, and we somehow got lost there cuz it kinda changed since the last time we went there?
And as usual the direction idiot, Hazel brought everyone around the wrong place wtf.
Those people were real nice, thanks.. if not I would have gotten hell from mom.

Thanks daddy for going an extra mile to get the phone back for me and covering up for me..
Lol mom still thinks that the phone was left behind at the Balestier toilet.
SHHHHHHH it's a secret :D

haha nights.
(I thought I wanted to blog about it before I sleep, it's damn funny. What a day.
Not so unlucky after all.. :D)
I can sleep in peace liao, actually no homework first.
BYEBYE.

P/S : I've been spending my weekends walking and walking.. I wanted to go for a swim at first lor. Everyone reject me. Okay, maybe cuz I kept saying "later lah" and "next week lah" to Edwin hahahahaha!

Four4.

2008-03-29T00:47:00.003+08:00

Hi I'm late for school again today.
Hi this is the 4th day in a row that I'm late.
Hi I'm having detention class on Monday (which would be canceled due to bio spa) and Tuesday (which would be canceled due to MT oral) and I had detention class today.

Amazingly I was late even though it was dad who drove me to school.
Never underestimate a traffic jam.

I'm so upset, I've completed only one layout, ONE UGLY LAYOUT.
I'm so upset, I have no idea how to do the maths TYS.

But fret not, tuition with flinz and nic tomorrow. Hope it helps ;)

Oh ya so I went for detention class after MT, stayed back in school to complete bio work and went to BK at downtown to do maths. It's damn cool, flinz got licked by a dog.
(I remember... Someone's dog used to love licking my leg.. Shessh)

Thanks flinz for walking me to Elias Mall for Dental, and as usual LATE.
But this time round, I waited for like 10 mins only.
I changed the color of my braces to electric blue and yellow. shiok sia.
Rushed home to prepare to meet nic and flinz for fabian's birthday party at tamp.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FABIAN, :D Nice hug but too tall.

Took bus 12 to downtown east stop and rushed home for my unexpected curfew :(
I thought mom said she would cab me home damn.
(Saw someone super unexpected, lol thanks for the directions though.)

DINGDINGDING.
bye. No la not alarm.
pidipi pidipi bye bye po.

P/S : Edgar's friends all chaoahbeng, i scared.

Old habits die hard.

2008-03-27T20:41:00.002+08:00

Hi, I'm Hazel. And I'm late for school for 3 days in row. I know I rock.
Hi, I've detention class on Friday and Monday. Thanks, please be late tomorrow and on Monday to accompany me :D

I'm late not because of Superteen!
I'm late because I always take my own sweet time. Sheesh old habits die hard!

So anyways, school was pretty normal except a little tiring.
And it was pretty fun disturbing VERY-VERY-BLURRRRR Flinz haha!
This is the first time in my entire life hiding my friend's bag in the locker.
Locker, as in those without the locks.
And I guess Nic and I looked super stupid running about like real sec1s.

*Ahem* I am tired.
Oyasuminasai.

Cry.

2008-03-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

I was late today.

Sheesh my eyes were so tired that they didn't want to open, my legs were so wobbly that they didn't want to move.. my head was so pain that it just want to rest.
Ya but no but ya but, I woke up in the end still.

Superteen.
Today was still fun and funny!

I forgot when was the last time I cried so hard, guess it's probably the time when *ahem* ...
I feel damn guilty for all the wrong things that I've done.
And I hate the image formed in the mirror at first, so freaking ugly..
(blood-shot eyes, sticky face.. red nose etc etc)
And it's sort of hilarious when I saw the tears drop on the mirror lol.
(Just as when I thought I would be strong enough to hold back my tears..
Just as when I thought I wouldn't be affected..
I cried.)

Mom was really damn nice of the world!
I gave her a hug the moment I reached home and I don't know this came at right time or what..
But she's sick. Is it supposed to be like a chance for me to make it up and be a good daughter?
Nowadays everything seems be so jinxed! (right nic? yea good and bad way :D)

I've got other things to do.
Superteen is great, seriously.

Bye.

I'm Sorry.

Apples

2008-03-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now!

Oh ya hi, paiseh uh forget to say hi.
HI.

Today we had this Superteen thing. And I just reached home.. maybe an hour ago?
I would say it's pretty nice, it's fun.. and funny.

But I'm tired, and it's tiring. I would have to blame myself for talking to X on the phone last night! haha :/
I wonder why I kept probing about H* when he mentioned his name. I swear I hate calling him by his chinese name. Maybe that's why we are not really very close even after so many months.
Thing is, I only knew his REAL name a long time after we're together. (As in including the RIGHT pronunciation and blablabla).

And, do I regret? Letting him go? He's probably one of the nicest guy I've met.
*ahem* I not talking about the guy above, it's someone else. Go guess it yourself.
-By the way, I'm just saying all these for the sake of saying. Nah, you know I don't like him already.. THAT'S WHY WE broke up right (weirdo) lol.-
I think we were closer? As in we had more things to talk about SOMETIMES, and I even know how to write his full chinese name. Okay so what's the big deal about chinese names?
No idea.

okay stop.

So anyway, I fell for a couple of times today. Both deliberately and unintentionally.
God knows what happened to me, my legs just went wobbly.
You know maybe I was crazy, my brain was sub-conscious or I wanted to fall.
I wanted to feel how was it like to be "pushed around, to make him feel better".
Lol okay the song ~ Do you feel like a man when you push her around, do you feel better now as she falls to the ground ~
This song was stuck in my mind all the while, and I wonder why.

Tomorrow I'm going to bring my water bottle and my own food.

Goodnight. It's late. Bye.

P/S : I wonder how.. (how to make a change. how to stop this from happening. how can i make up for the wrong happenings. )
I wonder why.. (why there is no change. why this is happening. why this happened.)
Yesterday I told myself about my blue blue sky, and all that I can see..
Is just another lemon smile. (So sour.)

Lucky or not?

2008-03-23T21:14:00.002+08:00

I was thinking if it's a good thing that we've never watched a horror movie together, thou' we've been planning for it countless times.

woohoo at least, you never seen the weak side of me. Okay, ~~ignore the times when I kinda hide away from the cats and walking away very quickly when I see cockroaches..~~ :D

That was random.(aiya I've always been random btw.)

And I just realized that I've been blogging 2 posts for a day this few days.
It's like one of the best ways to let go of things in my heart? Thou' I've been repeating myself over and over again..

It's pretty nice to hear from Edwin how much Kh has cared..
(Okay thou' its a little freaky.)
I love attention, it's either everything or nothing.
I don't know how it feels like to be treated this way. To be mentioned in everything, even casual chats.

Sheesh Kebab is nice. Nicole's mom makes very delicious sheesh kebab. Craving for it right now.
hehe.

ARGH, superteens tmr.
goodnight.

Offline Message.

2008-03-23T16:57:00.002+08:00

Bio practical yesterday. Freaking late of the world.
And I think the experiment looked pretty beautiful. Maybe because my plasticine was colorful ;)

I went home and fell asleep on the sofa. A lesson learnt - One should not talk about Pokemon till 3 AM and watch 1 episode of K drama with daddy knowing that there's school in the morning the next day.
LOL.

So anyways, I was pretty drenched by walking down the flight of stairs at my area to the bus-stop.
Movie, canceled. I went to do homework with MJC passerby lol.
And met up with Nic and Flinz to go to some playground to talk talk hehe.
(Okay kidding!)

I dressed like a witch yesterday, and I can't get enough of acting like Hagrid.. (as in the harry potter that one, hope I got the spelling right.)
Oh and not forgetting the "freeeeeeeeeee" thingy plus the "one sheep mehhhh, two sheeps mehhhh.. .. ..."

I think I was a little crazy last night, waiting for replies from no reply and entertaining myself from someone cold as rain.

Perhaps he was high, all because of her. And perhaps, he just wanted to be nice.
haha, no and I don't think I really like him. :)

Still considering if I should have a haircut today! The fringe is irritating to the max, and..
yeaps. Alright shall accompany Albert for his haircut ;D

I think I drank too much last night, argh headache.
But I had a good night sleep last night. Freaking awesome, at least.. as I walked home last night, I didn't think of H* anymore.
I was sober the whole night, just a little unstable.
Fuck, and I missed him this morning.
Not now, not anymore.

Goodbye.

Pokemon sia!

2008-03-22T03:08:00.002+08:00

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ;)

Pokemon! It's you and me, I know it's my destiny..
Pokemon! Oh, you're my best friend, in a world we must defend..
Pokemon! Our hearts so true, our courage will pull us through..
You teach me and I'll teach you.. Pokemon!
Gotta catch 'em all!

Lol, this is damn funny.. I used to be such a fan of Pokemon, always waking up at 10 to watch powerpuff girls followed by Pokemon!
HAHA freeeeeeeeeeeee, I'm a butterfree now. Nic is a butterfree too, since she freeeeeees too.

bye.

I remember when you came to me that night.

2008-03-21T23:27:00.002+08:00

One more kiss could be the best thing,
Or one more lie could be the worst.
And all these thoughts are never resting,
And your not something I deserve.

Today is really a good Friday!
I've got my new phone,Samsung-f330!
Samsung-f330
It's difficult to use, and thanks Giraffe for telling me how to change word for the T9 dictionary.
You know I suck at electronics lol, I think I belong to the Cave people.
I really love my new phone, it's white and slim. So chio.

Mom's having her Mdm Monthly, and I guess that's the reason why she's so hot-tempered! :/
Or maybe I was taking too much time to prepare to go out just now.
But seriously, how can 1 hour be enough to eat lunch, shower, change, etc etc etc..
Or maybe, I woke up a little too late and spent too much time lying around the sofa.. refusing to get up!
haha.. holidays.. holidays.. just make me more lazy.

We had our dinner at Din Tai Fung, it's pretty nice ;)
We talked a little this afternoon. And she made me realize what I've been fretting over these days were really nothing. There are more to deal with in time to come, I'm sure.
Love is not the only fragile thing in the world.
And now I finally know the reason why, why my mom grounded me.
I finally know why we were broken. I finally know why the secret leaked out.
You're not to blame, it's me.. I should have known that no secrets can be kept (even among the closest friends).

Actions speak louder than words. You don't have to say goodbye to leave someone.
If there's a crack, it may mean a gap.. towards a new life (from Anaqi).
But, why can't I have the people I treasure in it?
It's been days, we're not getting any better.

I love my mom. Very much.
Family.
"The only people who'll stay by your side no matter what happens.
The only people who'll tolerate your mistakes and your sucky personality time after time."
How true is that? Maybe to a certain extent.
I know I'm petty and I'm selfish.
I know I'm weak and I'm hot-tempered.
I know I'm straightforward and I'm disrespectful.
I know I'm slow and I'm often late.
I know I'm careless and insensitive.
Mom have seen them all, mom has accepted them all, mom has tolerated me since a long time ago.
I don't know what else I can do to make myself a better person. But, words just spit out of my mouth without any hesitation. That's how direct I am?
Mom.. the only one who will be able to take all that.. But she won't be seeing me through everything I do.
And after all, I still have to change my bad habits.
Learning how to stop being a spoilt brat and adapt to life among the people in my social circle.

I've been putting myself to the lowest..
But why?
Changes, I'm starting to hate the compo I wrote.
I don't really like changes after all..

You fake it easy just to please me.

2008-03-21T19:00:00.001+08:00

Lol, freaking touched of the world. Kh, thanks.
I will make you laugh after knowing you will make me smile ;)
At one point of time, I thought it was Edwin or Edgar who tried to be nice.. (ahem siao or probably it was.. *ahem*)
To think that you used Edgar's laptop! =.=
(k, maybe cuz your comp is down.. haha!)

I don't know what to say about this.. You're really nice to me.
Offered to have dinner with me and send me home after work coming from Tamp all to Hougang Mall. And offered to borrow umbrellas for me that day when H* came to look for me and pulled Edwin away when he kept disturbing me and H*.
And some other things.
If D hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known about it.. sheesh. Lol busted liao.
Study hard for your 'N' levels! Wonderful 'dad'.

I shall go fix the telephone lines,
and charge my new phone! post again later..

One last candle to keep out the night.

2008-03-20T18:35:00.003+08:00

Dead beat.

Homeworks are piling up as the day passes by. Tomorrow is good Friday!

Nothing to be excited about actually, it's just one day break..
(WAIT IT'S WEEKENDS!)
No, cuz I might be changing my phone tomorrow! wooooooohoooo after sooooo long!

And, IT'S JUST MAYBE.

Today's lessons were really very tiring. If I knew Miss Tracy Tan is not coming to class today, I WOULDN'T HAVE RUSHED THRU' HER WORK YESTERDAY! I'm so deprived of sleep now, and everyone thought I cried.. =.=

Maybe I did? Who knows.. lol.

So I was doing my work on my study table yesterday when I accidentally dozed off and completed only one layout!

I really have problem in drawing proportions :(

I was trying to pay attention throughout the lessons, this is an important year lol!
Maybe it was okay to skip lunch to rush through art in the art room, cuz that'll help me save a little money ;)
I hate math lesson! It just drags on and on and on and on until 5..

So yesterday. I know I'm gonna be okay.

Moving on, looking up ahead.. who knows what might happen.. Car accident perhaps?
I'm really too tired to think about anything anymore. What has to come will come, what has to leave would just leave. No way to stop, no matter how much tears you drop.

Additional stranger in my life, not the way I want it to be.

And I guess this was just inevitable, too much commitments, feelings matter too much.
I thought for quite some time and wished I was a guy..

Girls walk the walk, while guys talk the talk.

Guys are more visual, mathematic, exploring, more sex oriented, and commit most violent crime. While girls are more verbal, communicative, sensitive, and more prone to phobias and depression. How true.. no wonder we're always dealing with our emotions.

A girl worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a guy never worries about the future until he gets a wife. (LOL I saw this in my e-mail inbox and I think it's funny!)

Sometimes, it is best not to wait till everything to be in place … you might miss the best shot.
It's either wait or ignore now.
Goodbye, I wished it's time to turn in now but I've got to withdraw money for my mom sheesh.
Goodnight, and I wish tomorrow would really be a GOOD Friday.
Good Friday.

Caught up in a daze.

2008-03-19T17:48:00.004+08:00

{How I wished it never changed. Changes. Just like my compo.}

School was fine I suppose. Biology practical was pretty weird without Tiara around! Tiara, I hope you'll really take care of yourself and stop thinking negatively alright!
So anyways, it was about some potato cutting thing.. And now I've to complete the questions and graph-plotting. Homework number 1.

Then was mother tongue, I can't believe I failed the paper. Seriously, I shouldn't sleep in class so often already. O level mother tongue is JUST ROUND THE CORNER.
Speak to me in mandarin please ;)

Physics lesson was so quiet, even Joshua whispered the "RECESS!" but he still got a little scolding. He was pretty strict! :/ And thanks moth and joshua for explaining the questions to me :)

Recess was really a girl-girl talk with Shamira. Girl uh, hope you'll feel better!
*ahem* edited :)

Li and chem were really study time. I was super attentive hehe. Somehow.

Break with shamira, nic, flinz, munirah.. they even talked about vibrator.
And flinz just bought a vibrator, 18 bucks lol.. pretty good. LOL!

Math and eng, all I know is.. MORE HOMEWORKS!

And went home with them, really nice. Thanks alot girls, I mean I appreciate what you all did for me.. Thanks for talking to me and all. But really, it was my fault to begin with.

Guess the word spinning in my mind right now is, awkward. To whoever, it's still the same word. Somehow things are happening too fast, too fast for someone so slow like me to catch.
Everyone told me, leave things to chill.. it'll work out.
But, I personally think that, someone has to give in, try to make out for it to really work out.
I'm trying to, very hard. But.. my presence just irritate or annoy you I guess? So sorry to have bothered you and make you feel stressed up. It's not the right time to be a burden to you, but I really wished there are no hard feelings. Not trying create a chance for myself or pushing the faults you find in me away but, really.. I don't like it this way.
Like, can we just talk things out? Rather than giving me the cold shoulder.. or just walking away.
It seems like it's just hanging around coming to no stop or ending.. Give us some time, I would. But what's the use when you don't wish to have anything to do with me anymore.
If you really don't hate me or dislike me.. what are we now?

Get well soon dude.

I'm like having so much work to complete today and my body wishes to just shut down.
My mind is so tired and i just want to sleep, never ever waking up again.
To sign out from MSN forever, never seeing those nicks again..
What's with me, what's with the things happening..
Is this really inborn personality that caused so much trouble and unhappiness? Or was it tolerance had came to a limit whereby nothing can get through? But, what's acceptance then?
Or are we just living our lives just to fake a smile and pursue what we want?
Let's laugh at the lamest joke and die on our bed as we sleep our woes away.

You know that's retarded.

Goodbye.

Toilet Talk.

2008-03-18T20:32:00.002+08:00

I guess I'll just take bus 3 to school from now onwards, I'm getting very lazy these days!
It's pretty convenient, considering the fact that it's just few steps away from my block and.. it's least likely that I'll be late? I guess so.. :)

It really brings back those sec1, sec2 memories! When I walk to school alone, and notice everything around. I remember writing a compo about "the trip to school" haha.
And I guess I'll never forget my "kor" in sec1 lol.

Okay that was random.

Anyways my laopo nic never go school today! haiyo feels damn weird when I wanted to turn to laugh with her when joshua cracked a joke or something.. feels retarded lol.

I can't believe we had 2.4 km run today! And it's pretty weird that both flinz and I had stomachache together.. Thank god miss anne wasn't in school today, so much for coming with excuses to why we were late hehe.

All I recall was that I happily slept during physics ;)
I WAS DAMN TIRED, yes again.

Went to have lunch at Hawana Cafe with flinz after school while waiting for Tiara (and we didn't in the end lol). Headed to Whitesands and we did something we'll grow up to laugh at. (eh it's $3.60 in total!) We did our math homework at DTE BK after that, and laopo nic came! :D
So much of talking and talking and talking, and laughing at everything haha.
"ya-i know" LOL!

And I think bus 3 was really jerky just now! ;)

I agree, memories won't come back. They should be kept.
Missing and missing and missing.. tears don't actually matter much anyways, let's forget and move on! Heh, maybe last night was just ONE bad night. Well, at least I didn't leave any names behind ;) Okay thanks anyways! Really appreciated your stupid disturbing call at night..

I have no idea why this is happening again. I guess it's me, always me, just like the evil twin always so ignorant of the things around her. So insensitive of the things and people around her, hurting without even realizing. I don't know what else is there left to say.
I really wished there was some way I could make it up to you.

kaygoodbye.
Just as I thought we were...
k nothing bye.

2008-03-17T22:12:00.003+08:00

The moon looks full,
my life feels empty.
Just because I can't get ahead..

Love is so different from in the fairy tales. (I should have ignored your promises of making me your one and only little princess.)
And from the average movies that we watch through the day,
and the stories in the songs that we listen to as we drift off to sleep.
In my lifetime, I have only loved a few..
And they never fail to leave me broken hearted all the time.
If only on one of the few, would love me back,
I would feel so whole and happy.

It happened that fast, our situation unfolded over and down on itself like tears. Something broke the balance and now we’re broken. What do I have to say? Nothing. I hear myself saying I'm over you. Words held on the tip of my tongue for the right moment.

But there's never a right moment.

I’d rather lie on my back and look at the stars, hug you tight just before its too late, on top of the sheets, the floor. I’d rather catch your eye from across the room and hold it to my heart so you could feel the blood throbbing in my chest, my pulse quickened by your surveillance. I’d rather walk for blocks for peach tea for lemon tea and the halls for no reason at all. I’d rather do anything – ignoring the obvious, and stay in that moment forever, never waking up to missing your scent and wondering if I’d made a mistake and gone against what I’d said.

But you don't feel the same way anymore, do you?
You have someone more special than I am right now in your life. I just hope that similar situations don't ever happen again either in yours or my life.

Nights are spent over analyzing a moment in time I can’t change or erase. Feelings I can’t ignore. I'm wasting my time denying something so strong and fearless because I'm scared. Scared I’ll make the same mistakes I’ve made before, scared of destruction, heartbreak and loss. Terrified of walking alone, of reading between the lines and behind each of your eyes and beyond what’s being said. You never really loved me, not even when you kissed me.
It's all but a lie when you said you could wait for me. All I see is you saying those 3 words you once said were meant for me only to some other girls.
But I never regret holding your hand.
I know it's retarded to blog about all these since I've always been saying how much I hate you,
but my feelings don't fade away as easily as you do.

What’s best is that you’ll never see this. But if you do, or my words and your eyes meet – will you know it’s you I’m exposing, scrutinizing every detail of what’s left in a failed attempt to explain myself, my heart on my sleeve? You wouldn’t know that my sentence pauses are filled with mind-photographs of your eyes, the outline of your jaw, the scar on your leg, would you?

I wish you could feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders with every word. Like nails digging into my back - only those little red lines have the permanence of forever. It’s almost like wounds healing, only some remain. You live you learn, you love you lose, hand in hand. Only you showed up at a static moment frozen in the still life of time, impossible to ignore or forget, imprinted and stained on my body, unable to say good-bye. Wearily letting go - but unsure of my decision not to hang on. They say if you love something – set it free. So I did. But I keep thinking of you.. I should have picked up the signal. It's time I set my heart free of this pain.

Now that it's all too late.. I just want you to remember me. Someone who can't seem to forget you.

Ignore this post, it's just the time of the day.
It's like a curse upon me, every night.. I'll think about the past.

Homeworks.. bedtime..

All these things that I hate.

2008-03-17T18:30:00.003+08:00

*AHEM* I am so hardworking, ~~erasing the answers and re-writing them in ink~~ I'm doing chemistry! Okay thankyou MJCguy (not the one who takes bus 3 with me uh) for helping me in chem ytd lol! And so much for your LAME jokes!

Yesterday was such a study day, morning 11 12 plus to 2(?) was study time with that MJCguy with ultra big calculator at the library. I completed parts of my biology worksheet and chemistry homework (THANKS!).

Met up with Flinz and Nic (my ~~sushi~~pushi)!
"I feel like eating something that I always feel like eating whenever I see you..
EH WAIT NICOLE WHY ARE YOU IN GREEN?! SUSHI!!!!"
HAHA (with sesame seeds somemore).

That's my new hobby, beware munirah.. Next art lesson hahahaha!

Okay, that was what I did yesterday.
I was late for my curfew and I got hardcore thrashing as usual~

I was so tired this morning, I couldn't crawl out of my bed at all.. My mind went blank since morning. I think I was speaking nonsense all the time for the whole of today.
First Day of School~
(I shouldn't have stayed up late with dad last night to rush the K dramas! awww but I was such a nice daughter okay!)

I was still at my bus-stop at 8:10 AM. So cool. I reached the bus-stop closer to the school at 8:21 AM. I thought I would be late already since it's just 4 minutes more but I still ran =.=
Okay thank god that I ran, I WASN'T LATE :D

But.................

I stood at the foyer like a complete idiot laughing to myself about the stupid joke (*ahem*) told me yesterday. Then suddenly I felt very dizzy, I started to lose balance lol. I tried to stand still, and the things around me went blur and I couldn't breathe!

I thought I would faint there or something :/

Until that weird guy came and told us we were supposed to collect the newspapers for the classes when we were dismissed. THE NEWSPAPER IS FREAKING HEAVY.
I'M FEELING SO UNWELL ALREADY OKAY.
But I survived it ;)

I'M NEVER GNA WAKE UP SO LATE AGAIN :(

Lessons were so boring today, maybe because I'm having a headache.
I totally loved the last lesson, english since teacher wasn't around.
The 30 mins of sleep really made me felt more energetic hahaha!

And lunch at central with line,reb and agnes.

wlao i think i'm going to sleep now. shit something blue is calling me. BYE.

Take me there.

2008-03-15T23:03:00.001+08:00

Argh, so tired from work. My wallet has some money already now ;)
Well, at least it's enough for a movie ticket :D
hint hint, I want watch movie lehhhhhh!
(I haven't watched any movies yet :( I've been so ~~busy~~ lonely..)
LOL!

It's not independent that I'm working now. It's not "nice good girl" that I'm working for my expenses now.. It's just that I'm spending too much! Lol.
On what? I've no idea either.. :/

But 33 bucks is really damn little please..
Okay, I know my work is so relaxing..

Enough of work, back to school.
Where the fuck is the timetable?! And, so far.. I've completed my social studies essay ONLY. Okay and one page of chemistry lol.
I haven't done my ART yet damn it.

Poor MJCpasserby, don't be too upset about it. I'll treat you MCflurry as promised..(erm i doubt you can read my blog now.. HAHAHAHA NO COMP, LAUGH AT YOU)
Okay kidding, probably meeting him for homework tmr at 7 AM.
After that, anyone wants to work hard with me? :)

Damn it, tmr is my lasttttttt dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :(
Okay I'm turning in now.
I know it's early.. But..........
I'M TIRED.

BYE.

If I get up, I'll fall back down again.

2008-03-14T14:54:00.003+08:00

Why am I thinking about it again? Why must it all come back to me again?

Today is supposed to be a very homework day..
*Looks to my right and notices a pile of books saying hi*
Then I realized, I didn't even had the mood to hold up a pen. No, I'm just too tired to do that.

I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. Actually I hate you a lot still, leaving me with all these very "happy memories" that I can't seem to forget.
Sometimes, I really wished I can get my mind to stop thinking..
I'll never get over you walking away, tonight I wanna cry. (where's the soft shoulder you promised me and the warm loving hands to brush my hair and to wipe my tears away?)
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain. I shouldn't have ever said I was strong enough to go thru' all these. I want you back so badly, but I guess I'm left with only the pictures to look at.
I hate my empty room, every part of you seems to linger still..

I suppose I'm a little too selfish. Part of me misses him like shit, part of me wants someone dear to love. Well, at least he's better off without me.. He deserves someone who'll love him wholeheartedly. It beats having a girlfriend who is so fickle like me.

Missed out my outing with laopos 'cuz I'm having dinner with my family.
I wonder which family eats dinner as early as 5 PM, or rather lunch as late as that.
Anyways, it was nice. It's been a long long time we got together like this, and I guess we'll have more of these outings soon?
I love "BOOOOOO!" (as in crab). Lol, I should learn how to crack a crab. hahaha!

Before dinner (or you prefer to call it lunch) , Line came over to my place.
Noticed the change in blogskin? I think it's nicer this way.
Soooooo neat.

kay, some non-living objects are calling my name.
BYE.

Horoscope.

2008-03-13T23:07:00.005+08:00

Hi my horoscope is apple.
My horoscope told me to keep myself busy whole day, and that's what I did.
It's said to stop me from thinking about I-don't-know-what and so I won't feel upset.
But somethings are inevitable, I did think about the past.. when I had time alone..
The way home.. I don't know to call it sweet or bitter.

Yeah hi thanks for the memories, I shouldn't hate you lol.
I meant both of you. At least on of them was pretty sweet, even till now.
Urgh it makes no sense blogging about this shit like now..

Anyways, met up with flinz in the morning to "have breakfast" when we were like 15 mins late for chem already! haha!
"eh you don't go sleep lah.. eh don't go chem lah.. sure sleep what.. might as well meet me.."
- "wtf, maybe I meet you, I might fall asleep too.. you're probably too boring!"
I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been pretty mean these days. I don't want to join the mean club! no no!!!
But, I really don't quite understand the chem lesson just now.. maybe just the equation. But isn't the equation the most important thing?! :/
And I couldn't find miss chan, so no bio ;)

Met up with my darling madelineeee after that to get ingredients for sushi-making ;D

no lah this is not the pictures from today.

I think we really had lots of fun today making sushi, and shoo-ing the birds away from the kitchen. Maybe the crow just wanted to get some shelter from the big rain outside, who knows.. lol!
Yup it's good that you find my home homely now ;)

Met up with my laopos (flinz and nic) at WS mccafe to pass them my sushi :)
And laopo thanks for the mudpie!!! IT'S YUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

wooooohooooooo I love my laopos, and I had a great day today.
Okay other than being irritated a little by some people, it's fine as a whole.
Goodbye.
(I guess I'm used to not nudging him anymore, he has better things to do than to reply me.. Thou' I'm not irritating anymore.)

Hi Bye Hello Goodbye.

2008-03-12T22:29:00.003+08:00

Good times last forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and e..
*ahem*
Welcome back to reality.

Today was pretty much like yesterday just that I happened to like step out of the house to meet my laopos.
I guess I was a little stupid to be waiting for the clubbers to return home last night, I freaking slept at 5am(or was it later? hmm..) ! Well at least I have this weird guy who was nice to entertain me thru' the night with those MJC freaky but funny story (lol i know you read my blog when there's updates, guess what the radio is gone aren't you touched? I think you should tag my board if you happen to be here! - well i'll accept passerby.)

We were supposed to meet up to complete ss homework (for nic) and progress in our artwork (for flinz). At least I managed to write 2 paragraphs for ss :D
Whatever, I guess I did talked a little today.. becuz *ahem* wasn't around.
I bet he didn't realize that I'm a changed person :(
(Well at least I'm not as kiddy and -act cute- like before...? hmm.. maybe just a little weird like now.)

Ah anyway it's a good thing to know that we're having sushi tomorrow? Eh madeline want come over my place? hehe :)
Oh and anyway I think I should really control my temper at times, it's really bad.
I kinda throw tantrums at home ALL THE TIME, well.. I should learn how to RESPECT adults.
Okay lah fine, I'm.. sorry okay.

Chem tmr, bio (for me only) tmr. After that, home alone I guess.
Shit I've been wanting to go for swim for a LONG LONG LONG LONG TIME!
Seriously, I hate the freaking weather this few days. It has been stopping me from going out.
It kinda spoil the mood of going out becuz -hands are shaking colddd~ hands are mine to hold~ -
ya it's cold. And, I don't like to feel wet.
I wish it doesn't rain tmr, anyone wna go swimming with me?
Madeline is out, she has got a date.

BLAHHHHHHH I'M SO BORED.
OKAY BYE.

Reclusion.

2008-03-11T14:54:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm just gonna confine myself at home today. SINCE IT'S RAINING AND EVERYONE IS ABANDONING ME.
Seriously, Madeline why're you at the bird park like now when it's freaking raining? Gosh, I'm gonna have my thom yam session all by myselfffffffff!
I'm like so lazy to walk over to SPC to get my own thom yam somemore. This sucks, and I wished that there are like some yummy cakes to eat like now!

Okay maybe I'll do mugging all by myself and try to finish one shitty layout in the corner of my room. (Eh not emo but the study table is really at the corner of my room)
Bla bla bla everyone is going to have fun at the party today, I'll talk to thin air today..
And drink some hot milo.

Whatever lah it's freaking boring today, and it's so cold somemore.
People are either sick, lazy, or busy. What's this?!
And I'm too sick to do any homeworks, you know those kind of stupid headaches..
I just want to have fun today. EH I WANT TO PLAY IN THE RAIN WITH BOOTS AND ALL,
ANYONE? :)

argh this is getting lame, someone just nudged me and gave me the shock of my life.
RIGHT, I'm so sad and upset that I wanna go sleep too grrrrrrrrr.
BYEBYE.

This is so weird.

2008-03-10T22:17:00.002+08:00

I sound so stupid this morning when line's mom gave me a call.
I actually thought she used her mom's phone to call me, wth~

Lol and I guess I was too blind to see, PEOPLE IT'S RAINING AT PASIR RIS.
RAINING RAINING RAINING, no more kampong day my dear :(

Anyways, I met up with my darling line line at her house.
GIRL UH STILL SICK UH HAIYO STOP EATING THE CHIPS AND GIVE THEM ALL TO ME HAHAHAHAHA! Okay nonsense, I feel like a glutton nowadays, I kept gobbling the chips at her place..
We had nice Thomyam session at the void deck with strawberry/chocolate milk and some pies.
I swear it's damn shiok to have thomyam when it's raining :)
(Oh and we saw Hazim :D:D:D)
Thanks for the chips and egg madeline lol, I was damn full please. And it was nice chilling with you hahaha, under the umbrella somemore. I think people thought we were retarded.

After that met up with flinz and nic when I was supposed to buy stamp haha!
I think I should join the mean club instead, it's like I got my mom to do the job!
Anyways met up with don't know who and don't know who and saw don't know who.
This sounds stupid but it really is stupid.

okay lah bye.
SO FUNNY TODAY.
And, "I suppose you're too normal to be abnormal" LOL!

Push me down.

2008-03-09T22:22:00.003+08:00

I had a splitting headache this morning. (this is serious)
I guess I really had a drop too much last night. Okay joke. I don't drink. I'm an innocent little girl who goes home never anytime later than 10 hehe :3
Yesterday was the first night, and ~~might~~ would be the last night.
(Btw, I wasn't drunk. I drank Iced Milo only. So what I said and did was serious)
Yes yes, Hazel had learned her freaking lesson. So yeah, GIRLS shouldn't stay out late at night without bodyguards.
Eh, this is like my reflection after MSN chats with peeps. I'm like combining everything everyone said lol.

I can't believe my mom wants to go back to working at this age - 43. I always thought she's only 30+, okay wait had this thinking since young.. I'm so foolish, how can someone be 30+ for so long. Lol, so anyway.. I went with mom for her job interview today. I feel like she's the daughter and I'm the mom. She's afraid after so many years of not working, and.. yeah.

This is freaky, the employer thought I was the one looking for the job =.=
And I can't believe that this world is so small, the employer's son is from my secondary school?
I am weird, I always remember faces.. Even if I've seen someone for once only. And becuz I've said he looked like ZH before so, not much of a big deal that I remembered him lol.

My family has huge appetite! We spent like 50 bucks on buying bread and dinner. It's really damn a lot of food, but it was pretty satisfying. I love the cakes and durian puffs we bought.

I suddenly fell in love with sugarcane, I kept pestering mom to buy. LOL.
I have weird cravings ALL THE TIME. Deal with it people.

Tomorrow will be a kampong day out with Madeline.

kk goodbye take care people.
TO ALL THE SICK SICK SICK PEOPLE,
drink lots of water and get well soon kay :)

I'm drunk.

2008-03-09T03:52:00.000+08:00

Today was a cool day out with Nic (laopo) and Flinz (I-still-thinking-of-something) after bio lesson. Luckily Flinz and I were late for 15 mins only today haha but breakfast before lesson was great (and we dint even hand in the homework we rushed!).

Headed down to City Hall for aimless shopping at Marina Square :)
Lol, I felt so sad.. I saw many things but I have no money to buy them sheesh! ($$$$$$)

Usual dinner at Kobayashi Simei :D (Nic laopo reminds me of jap food!)

Flinz didn't meet up with (we-know-who) in the end and I didn't meet up with (nobody-know-who) in the end.
This feels so wrong! I totally agree with Flinz! It's like sometimes when someone wants to meet you, you're either not free or don't feel like. But when you feel like meeting someone, different excuses are made somehow.
After Nic went home, we S-L-A-C-K-E-D.
Yes omg slacked.

We walked around downtown and sat at mac for quite some time doing NOTHNG.
(Okay maybe was thinking about some stuffs. You know dte had some memories.. maybe that's the reason why I didn't quite like that place..)

We played the swing at the town park after that and ~
We got so high (somehow) and I kept shouting "I'M DRUNK" and some other nonsense.
Until some weirdo, 20 plus(?) foreigner-ish looking guy came to approach us, or rather he tried to stalk us!
AND HE FREAKING FOLLOWED US ALL THE WAY TO SEWEN ELEWEN OKAY.
It's freaky, he asked for our names and contact number and wouldn't stop giving a stupid fucked up duck face. And he was standing so close to us, like come between us suddenly like as if he's gna grab any of our arms anytime! I felt like I was gna get kidnapped and might die anytime at that point of time.
As you all can see, Hazel is a timid little girl.

Flinz : Eh tell him you attached leh~ Eh tell him go away leh~ Eh.. ~

I was so afraid I didn't dare to say anything other than walking faster and faster until we finally started running a little. THE SCARY PART IS THAT HE ACTUALLY GAVE CHASE. wth~

Heh and polar bear came to the rescue. I was msging him and he was so sweet to cycle me home when I said I didn't know how to go home. (Lol that was freaking stupid.. wonder why I said that too! but really no bus wad~)
I was really very touched! Polar bear, I'm someone who appreciates, thanks alot.
Haha though it's a little weird to be on your bike with the big big wind and all..
But it was nice :)

What A DAY!
(SO MUCH FOR THE FREAKING NONSENSE MY HOROSCOPE TOLD ME. NONSENSE PLEASE.)

I seriously don't know what the fuck that bitch is thinking lah. Whatever it is, it's never right to talk to a friend's guy without her knowledge whether it's over or not!
I mean it's respect for you friend!!! Madeline, I totally understand how you feel.
She's just so fucked up thinking that she's so freaking attraction and blablabla.
How can she be such a fucker! A FUCKING FAKER PLEASE.
Come on, let's just not get so pissed off since we just know a cutie :D
HE'S DAMNNNNNNN CUTE RIGHT, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. LET'S MEET HIM SOON KAY :D
MISS YOU SO MUCH. yeah :)
LOVEYALOVEYALOVEYALIKEHARDCORE.

GOODBYE. I am so traumatized lah Flinda.
Thank you polar bear again. This is so sweet. Way too sweet.

eh sia lah now 4 plus liao leh!

Until tomorrow.

2008-03-07T18:09:00.004+08:00

I am short. I am not tall.

Today doesn't even feel like Friday! No, it's not weekends yet, no no no.
If yes, why am I home only at 3 plus today? If yes, why do I have to attend lessons tomorrow when it's supposed to be a public holiday?
:(

Okay I should stop being childish.

Anyways, I took my math test today. It wasn't very difficult, maybe only the last question!
I've got so much to catch up for biology! A LOT A LOT A LOT.
I don't understand a single shit, this is badddddd :(
And tomorrow, they're going thru' chap 12.2 already!
AWWWWWWWWW, I don't like being lagged behind :(

Sheesh, there're layouts to complete by this march holiday for art.
GRRRRR I haven't even finished my sketches. How sad uh.

Took english test at chem lab after school today and skipped chinese wooohoo.
(But I did collect my work :D)
I wrote about 'Changes'. It was a pretty stupid essay. I have nothing to write about at all =.=

Look at this, this is funny!

MADELINE CHILLLLLL :/ I LOVE YOU OKAY :D!

olay byebye.
I mean okay byebye.
I don't know what's wrong but I kept typing olay byebye to everyone on msn =.=

Just face it don't pretend.

2008-03-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

I'm so satisfied with my life now.
I can't believe it, I'm able to handle it now! Oh I guess because after 2 years, I should have matured a little.
Facing the same kind of problem, but tackling it in a different way.
(Thou' I'm still choosing the escape route!)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ALL THE BEST MAN!

I went for sports day today :D
It was freaking cold, and my laopo's hand is shaking cold.
Thankyou Flinz for the challengers tee!
This is like the first time I've changed house!

I wonder what's wrong with everyone today, we keep wanting to go toilet haha!

We had lunch at Pizzahut :D

I'm so happy! I've to complete 10 ml more of cough syrup, 20 ml more of idk-what syrup, 9 tablets and 6 more capsules and NO MORE MEDICINE TO TAKE LIAO!
woooOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!
Super easily contented person in this world = Your ordinary Hazel.

Met up with my lovely Madeline after sports day!
YOU BETTER GET WELL SOON, I MISS YOU CUTE LITTLE VOICE.
It was a fun time :)
We had dinner together :)

Some pics before I leave..

kaybyeeeeeeeee :)

Stand In The Rain.

2008-03-05T16:45:00.003+08:00

She never slows down
She doesn't know why but she knows that when
She's all alone
Feels like its all
Coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears
Whispering
If she stands
She'll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She's running from
Wants to give up
And lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what’s lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

--

Get Well Soon all my lovely angels!
The sick devil is here to make us all fall oh my.
It just seem that everyone around me is falling sick, one by one.
Yes, including myself which is so bad.
(eh why I suddenly miss school uh? It feels like I've wasted a long time doing nothing.)

Not exactly, I did some revision on my own.

Oh I escaped a long day today.
Which is to say, i skipped 2 tests today. How's that?
Which means, I have to take them all alone :(
I don't regret, at least I felt super energetic when I woke up this morning.
I really took a long break.

I MISS MADELINE LIKE HARDCORE!

Surprisingly, I got my ez-link card back. Thanks Albert, guess you helped me look for it. thanks thanks thanks.

I don't feel anything right now, not upset. Not extremely happy.
Is this like my usual self right now?
Perhaps, people online say that I'm a changed person..
Not so unfriendly anymore. Good thing? Guess so.. :)

Thanks Flinz for helping me write the little paper for Ms Ng. So cute! :D

byebye.
(actually I've forgiven you already just that I didn't want to say it.
Well, it's not because I don't trust you. But you need to give me time to sort things out. Sometimes you need to link things up instead of holding on to the the word 'trust'. I know, what's lost it lost. I'm trying to accept that awful fact and move on. Well, it just means a longer time to getting what I really want? As for dad's and Edgar's case.. I really have nothing to say. They can't seem to be bothered anyways.)

Why? Yes, why?

2008-03-04T20:26:00.002+08:00

Yes, I did not attend school today.
I was given 2days MC, don't blame me lah.
It's really very uncomfortable this few days, difficulty in breathing and all.
Of 'cuz I appear healthy, not every sick person must look sick right =.=

Today was rather meaningful in a way, 'cuz JABS kinda got back together.
All those fond memories just came back all at once.
It's really once in a while that we have such nice long talks about our ex-s and family matters. And I guess, every teenager go thru' the same things.

(But I swear Rebecca totally freaked me out just now.)

I can't believe I've got to swallow 6 tablets, 2 capsules, 10 ml of cough syrup and 5 ml of idk-what-syrup.
What the fuck, making me feel so nauseous.

Why must I go thru' these things? Why must I be the one?
First already have to go thru' the pain process of forgetting the once very nice memories with your ex-boyfriend and crushes.
Then, you happily got ditched.
Uh huh like as if it's not enough, you lost a few hundred bucks from your savings and you still don't know the reason why.
Boo, some weird people just have to rub salt to the wound by flirting with you ex and crush! And they happily tried to act like you to attract your ex/crush's attention..
Isn't this freaky?
WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING =.=
Fine ignore that, then you have hypocrites talking to you ALL THE TIME.

Alright I cannot be so negative, at least I've got wonderful friends and classmates.
Ya ya ya, I've a pretty warm family.. (that's when they don't compare and treat people unequally!)
And some sweet people who never fail to make you laugh with the lamest jokes, yes I'm talking about you my dear haha :3

Yes like as if after tolerating so much shit, it's still not enough.......
Some bastard happily stole my ex-link card.
YES EZ-LINK CARD ONLY WHAT, IMAGINE THE INCONVENIENCE AND AWKWARDNESS WHEN BOARDING THE BUS.
(walao I just topped up my card with my own savings.. that bastard must be enjoying free rides now!)
I really got damn pissed by the bus driver just now!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE FUNNIEST THING IS, WELCOME BACK ASTHMA.
I feel like some granny right now, finding it difficult to breathe even walking a few steps when I used to run for my house in primary school =.=
That explains the different types of medicine I've to take right now =.=

And I wonder why... why I have to fake those smiles in MSN when I'm feeling so fucked up. ":)" "oh hi :)" "helloooooo :)"

I'm not an angel, seriously.

To: yes I'm referring to you. asshole.
I mean doesn't it bother your conscience? I treat you as someone so close, someone I'll talk to and joke with all the time.
Why must you do this to me? HOW COULD YOU?!
It's not the lost that upsets me but the trust I've placed in you.
I kept denying the truth when I heard * telling me about you.
(And I tried so much to believe you when you said it was just a pack of lies..)
I guess it's time to acknowledge it, it's not solid evidence but it's enough to label you "guilty".
But guess what, nobody is willing to pursue this matter anymore. (I suppose you're smiling to yourself as you read this right..)
You always want others to see the best of you, but did you even work hard for it?
Nothing comes free in this world, I thought you knew this along?
Why must you be way more superior than your friends? Why must you act as what you're really not? Is that how you repay my mom's kindness? If she's bias to you, she is to all of us.
Fine, you'll deny anyways.
Have you thought of the consequences? Not for you, but more for us.
Do you think we really won't get affected by what you did?
I felt so lost when I was on the bus trying so hard to make the machine sound but it did not. You made me feel like a complete idiot. Okay mine was a minor case, just that moment of awkwardness. But well, think about the major cases.. that concern bigger sums..
You think those money come by so easily? You know how dad managed to scrape thru' then?
You know what kind of faces he had to face just becuz he misplaced the money?
Don't just think for yourself all the time.. Didn't you get enough already?
Personal satisfaction has to come with your own hands, not taking it away from others.
How can I get this thru' your mind?! Since young.. you never once changed. Always thinking that you're right. It's so difficult to smile/talk to you anymore..
I don't want to go against my conscience.. I feel like hating you but just can't bring myself to do it. After all, we grew up together. If you still remember.
IS YOUR FACE REALLY THAT IMPORTANT? Way more important than our relationship?
You really hurt me deep, so deep. So deep that I can't even feel pain anymore.
It's not just about my lost now.. Think of it, my parents are going thru' so much..
thinking that they've let your mom down.
Do you know how much it hurts me to see my mom cry over the phone, seeing my dad shaking his head feeling so disappointed?
Maybe pleasing your girlfriend is more important than making us feel better..
If you're about to deny and stand up for yourself, I suggest you don't.
We all know it ourselves, it's up to you to admit or just run away forever.
After all, I did not mention your name.
If you think it's you, you should know what to do.
It's difficult to admit your wrongdoings, becuz you'll have to face the music. The harsh punishment, or worse still.. (youknowwhat)
Unless... You're really emotionless.
It doesn't feel safe living in this environment anymore you know?
Must we really go to the extreme?
Think about it, maybe return what is left secretly..
Thanks. I can't bring myself to forgive you right now.
You have the guts to do something, but don't have the guts to admit.

Yeah wtf, I need to make a new ez-link card liao cheebye.
Okay look on the bright side, WEEEE CAN CHANGE NICER PICTURE AND SPEND MORE MONEY!
OH CAN MOTIVATE ME TO START WORK AGAIN~ =.=

I bet this is not the end to my suay-luck nowadays.
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAH I'VE FREAKING 2 TESTS TO TAKE TMR, SHIOK NOT.
MY MC IS INVALID... THANKS TO MY MOM.
A reason for me to stop going out totally.
"When you go school, you'll feel tired. When you feel tired, you'll come home and rest automatically. But when you stay at home to 'rest', you'll go out and have fun after you're energetic enough to fly."
WTF.

Do I look like I'm feigning sick? Just because.. I wanted to watch movie today =.=
sheesh.

byebye.
I SHALL GO AND REST, SO I HAVE ENERGY TO FUCKING FLY TMR.

Unlucky enough? Anything worse, bring it on. All at once. Thanks.
Are you out to make me fall?
Yes, I've fell. And I'm bleeding so much. Have you had enough?

No, not enough to bring me down. Still happy, so happy. Still smiling.. :)
If your intention is to make me cry, HAHAHA BAD TRY.

Letters of Regret.

2008-03-03T22:19:00.002+08:00

Like your little angel back then, smile at me again please.

Goodbye says it all!
Eh I got 2-day Mc sia. Omg lol.
Damn funny sia, my asthma is really back =.=
No air-con bye. No cold drinks bye.
WTF, haha no chem test tmr bye. No PE tmr bye.

Nicole`s mom bake nice mudpie, NICE NICE NICE! :D

Movie date with line tmr :)
COOL. Oh, webcam is fun :D

Kaybye. My brain not working now. Goodnight.

I'll be strong, I may be wrong.

2008-03-02T17:43:00.006+08:00

Awwww this song.
It reminds me of the time when I'll never stop picking up phone calls.
Talking on the phone is everything to me back then.
To boyfriend/ex/crush/whatever.
Phone talks just go on and on till late night then to morning.
Time really pass by very quickly!

We talk about nothing, but we just can't get enough of each other.
We'll never say goodbye no matter how tired we are.

Do you all still remember singing to me on the phone?
No I doubt so, you guys don't even remember my birthday.
I bet I'm removed from your contact list already.
Oh wells, just another girl.

I don't give a damn about how you all live your lives right now!
Don't call me up at 3 AM anymore, I'll be asleep.
Don't walk me to school anymore, I prefer listening to my mp3 and rushing my way there.

Boring Sunday, surprisingly.. I said 'no' to watching movie with Edwin!
I guess I needed some rest :D
My throat hurts like freaking hell, please please PLEASE PLEASE don't let asthma crawl back up to me again.

Will you miss me if I disappear?

goodbye.

Take me away.

2008-03-01T22:37:00.004+08:00

What if I tell you, I still bleed for you.
What if I tell you, my hatred for you isn't that deep.
What if I tell you, I really miss you a lot.
What if I tell you, I'm freaking jealous.
What if I tell you, what if.. what if..
There isn't really much what if I can think of,
It's just too late.

This totally sucks.
I feel damn bad. I feel like a devil all of a sudden. Everyone has their bad bad day, and it just happen that I'm having mine a little longer. From yesterday all the way till today.
It's either I laugh very happily or I cry very sorrowfully.

I totally hate this, why can't I have my emotions balanced out nicely so that I won't be an irritant to my friends.

When I laugh, they might think that I'm too noisy or abnormal.
When I cry inside, they think that I'm way too silent.

I'm awfully sorry to people whom I saw and didn't wave hello like I always did.
I'm sorry for ignoring you when you smiled/talk/wave at me today.
I've a feeling I was possessed today, somehow.

What happened?

I have no idea.

When I have say I've no idea, you should know I really don't know.
When I laugh at nothing, it means I've no idea.
When I cry over nothing, it means I really have no idea.
No eye-deeeeeeeer.

When I blog long long posts without thinking, you can just close this page already.
(Yes right now, I'm not thinking.)

This is so not me.
I don't usually vent my anger on everyone.
I'm usually the super nice angel who'll wave hello to everyone single soul I see.
I'll put on the sweetest smile, until you can't even see my eyes.
That's Hazel, I'm suppose to be the happy Hazel.

I guess everyone have their limits.

My heart has been accumulating all the hurt from the past, and now they're all let out in a day or I should say two days.
How can I still be smiling when I know I'm already broken inside.
(esp. when things keep reminding me of the hurting moments)

When sometimes I feel so lonely, feeling that no one actually care.
(When my brain keeps thinking negatively.. nothing will ever go right.)

I hate to see my parents having to get everything in order. I hate to see them feeling vexed over financial problems and still trying to make me happy. I hate to hear my mom complain about her being broke to me. I feel so useless, why can't I grow up a little faster to share their burden? Why can't I study a little harder so that earning big bucks won't be a problem in future?

I always wonder why I always have difficulty sitting down to concentrate.

All I care for is, dressing up beautifully and spending money on things that I don't really need.

As I walk in the rain alone today, I realized so many things have changed.. So many people have walked right in and out of my life so easily. I thought for a while, and asked myself what exactly am I living for. I don't have a dream anymore, what is my talent?
There are just so many question marks in my mind.

What have I been doing in the whole of my secondary school life?

Nothing meaningful.

I've been taking part in my CCA actively, I've been laughing my way through lessons. I'm always late for school or JUST ON TIME. I always try to skip lessons that I think is boring. I always copy my homeworks from my classmates. I never once studied for a test seriously.

4 years just passed by me like that. I spent my holidays going out with random people who kept hurting me. I created a little fairytale for myself and happily let others burst it for me.

Just as things start to become beautiful, I spoiled it with my own hands.

I thought, I'm pretty lonely. I'm always doing things alone, I'm always going out alone. I never have anyone to turn to most of the time. My friends, are too busy for me. Or, should I say.. I don't really have much friends at all.

I reached home and had a nice long sleep. Yes, this is me.
I'm the one who escapes from everything.
I fell asleep almost immediately. My eyes were tired from crying all night.
My throat is sore this morning. And I suppose I screwed up my prelim oral already.

Thank you Madeline, for the comforting sms.
Thank you Nic, Flinz, Tiara for the hugs and comforts.
I'm sorry Rebecca.

I'm feeling so much better already. My throat hurts like freaking hell.
And I happily worsened it by stuffing myself with potato chips, oreo, candies and spicy stuff.
I'm falling sick.

So much for a Saturday. This is how a loser spend her Saturday.

I love my dad, always making me laugh out loud. It's really very nice to see how my dad still disturbs my mom.

I'll be okay. In fact, I'm okay already :)
I've pasted a plaster over my bleeding heart and it's recovering.

Am I probably looked better when I'm smiling happily..? :)

FUCK THIS LIFE.

2008-03-01T00:01:00.002+08:00

It's really damn irritating. First I don't know how many times have I said this but YES I'M NOT EDGAR I BET YOU KNOW. Everytime I come online, windows that pop up sure have to ask me WEHRE THE FUCK IS EDGAR. Hello, I'm just his freaking little sister not his stalker.
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCK IS HE. TOO BAD IF YOU CAN'T GET THROUGH HIS PHONE, TOO BAD TOO BAD TOO BAD OK.
If you add me just for that reason, I suggest you delete me.
Yes, I'm mean and rude or whatever you call me.
But come on, don't treat me like this can?

Don't come and go in my life.
Don't talk to me just because you feel like.
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT.

TO OTHER IDIOTS WHO WANTS TO CALL ME WHATEVER PRETTY NONSENSE,
STOP CALLING ME SOMETHING JUST TO TALK TO ME AND DUMP ME IN A FEW DAYS TIME.
yes I'm so damn weak to be affected by all this shit.
who can I blame, I just have myself to blame for having such a loser glassy breakable heart.

I'm sorry lah for scolding you all like wtf, I'm really upset right.
So many things have already been disturbing my mind.
How can you stand your ex asking you if you like a new guy from friends he heard from?
How can you stand sitting all alone in the middle of the night under the void deck to wait for your little brother to pay for his cab fee.
I mean it's okay but it's not fair. Who was there for me when I came home late?
Who the fuck came down to send me home when I called home feeling lost and afraid?
ISN'T THIS FUCKING BIAS?
so is this trying to prove to me that I'm worthless?

I mean fine he's my little brother I will wait for him. But thing is, how can you stand sitting alone at the void deck at night where it's cold and dark.
Images of previous relationships just keep flashing in your mind.
Your crushes sending you home and all..
Do you know how it feels like?
I was feeling so upset already tearing there.. then I realize I'm online disturbing someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.
I just wanted to talk to someone who'll make things better.
I just wanted to feel the innocence of being in love back then again.
And he happily spoiled it all.
YES HE IS BUSY AS HE APPEARED TO BE.
Don't reply me then, not even a word!
And why the fuck must you go offline suddenly without saying?
ya la ya la dc.. dc at this kind of timing.

fuck you know what already so upset,
my teeth hurts like wtf. YA BLAME MYSELF AGAIN FOR BEING VAIN FOR WANTING NICE SET OF TEETH.
And not forgetting the cramps and now what sorethroat when there's freaking prelim oral tmr?
WTF STOP MAKING THINGS WORSE.
IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE LEAP DAY, A SPECIAL DAY.

WHY THE FUCK MUST IT BE SPOILED?!

And my money is lost.
I can't fucking buy myself a new phone already how nice is that?

YES AND MY WHOLE FAMILY IS LIKE FUCKED UP NOW.
DAD VENTING HIS ANGER ON US, ya like as if I was the one who fucking stole your money.
Mom.. happily broke her promise just now.
Ya okay at least she made up for it, treating me to jap food and some weird tasting candy that's quite nice.

I'm so easily contented but you people just wouldn't make me happy.

Yes I shouldn't affect others because I'm having bad mood.
BUT DO YOU THINK I CARE?
I can't even cope with myself, why would I care about others siao.

FUCK LAH, everything goes so wrong.

YA BLAME ME FOR POSTING THIS LONG POST WITH ALL THE FUCK FUCK FUCK.
SIAO WHO ASK YOU TO READ CAN DON'T READ RIGHT.

okay sorry jingguo. sorry flinda. sorry karhee. sorry whoever on the phone who I just shouted "shut up lah wrong number".

okbye.
FUCK LAH TMR GOT ORAL.